What's Left of Me
by ShatteredOnTheInside
Summary: Adison story Allison lives a tragic life filled with many secrets that not even her best friend, Adam knows. Will he be able to find out before it's too late! I'm bad at summaries, its better than it sounds lol:P
1. Chapter 1

yeah, really crappy summary, I know. The story's better then it sounds, I'm just bad at summaries lol.  
uploaded on Idol FanFiction, but I figured I'd add it here too, in case I have readers on here that aren't on IFF:)  
yup, it's another sad, dramatic story haha! like most of the stuff I write...hope you like it!!!

**Chapter 1:**

The tour was over. Everyone was going back home. I didn't want to though. I couldn't bare to go back to that life again. So much pain and misery. How could she go through that again? Everything was great on tour. Surrounded by all of her friends. Lil. Megan. Kris. Adam. Of course Adam. He had helped her through so much. He just didn't know it though.

Secrets.

Everything was a secret. Her life. Her past. No one knew what she went through. No one knew her suffering. The pain. The heartache. The tears. All were hidden with a smile. A smile and a little bit of make-up. And no one knew. No one could tell.

Lies.

Her whole life was a lie. Everything she did was a lie. How she felt. How she acted. It was all a charade. A mask. Covering up her true self. Her past. No one could know. It would ruin everything. Her life. Her career. It will all be over. It's not like it would go too far anyway. She wasn't as big as her friends. As big as Kris and Adam. They were going to make it far. She could tell. But her? Most people didn't seem interested. What a surprise.

Pain.

Her whole life was filled with pain. Physical and emotional. Every day it felt as if her heart was being ripped out of her chest. Over and over. The pain would flow throughout her entire body, making it hard just to make it through the day. Every day. Every day it seemed to get harder.

And now the tour was over. Now things would get worse. Back to the way they were before. Having to go through days where she just wish she'd die. The God would put her out of her misery. But no. Every day she managed to make it through. Somehow. It still kept getting worse though. Each and every day. But her life went on. God wanted her to suffer. Or at least it seemed that way.

Why?

That was the question she asked every day. Why her? Why not someone else? It's not like she would wish this much misery on someone else though. No. Never. That would just be cruel. She tried to be a good girl.. She tried to be obedient and clean. She wasn't THAT bad. Just a normal teenage girl. Sure, she made mistakes. But did she _really _deserve to suffer this much for them?

Cursed.

Yeah, that's what it seemed like sometimes. As if she was cursed. As if the world was against her. Damned to a everlasting world of pain, misery, and suffering. God was not with her it seemed. He didn't care anymore. He'd forgotten about little Allison Iraheta. She was under the devil. And he was unmerciful.

I sat there on the bench outside the arena on the side of the road, hugging my knees. Man, it was cold out. And dark. I looked up at the stars. Wow, this late already? Where were they? My parents. I scoffed at that. Mom and dad. I shouldn't relate to them as my 'parents.' They shouldn't be combined together. They were so different. Complete opposites. My mom shy and quiet. Barely spoke. It's not like she ever got the chance to though.

And my dad. I shuttered thinking about him. I didn't want to. It brought back too many horrible memories. Ones that now only she had to go through. She had no one. Her brother, Carlos Jr. moved out the first chance he got. All the way across the country. They hadn't spoken since. Her older sister did the same. She was alone.

A crash of thunder echoed through the sky. I looked up. Dark clouds now filled the sky. Covering the stars. I was in complete darkness. The rain started pouring down. I tried to pull my jacket over my head, wishing I had grabbed one with a hood. Or maybe an umbrella, or something. I shoved my bags under the bench so they wouldn't get too wet. I started to cry. They forgot. They don't care. As usual. I called them multiple times reminding them they needed to get me. But apparently I wasn't important enough. They never answered when I called anyway. It'd always go straight to voicemail.

Depression.

That's what I went through. That's what I battled day after day. Some days I'd slip under and let it take over me. It was in control. As it'd always been. Some days I could fight it though. Some days I overcame it. And I was actually _happy_. But not today. Definitely not today.

More tears started to fall. It's not like anyone could tell though. I was soaked basically to the skin. My make-up began running down my face. I wiped it away the best I could, only making it worse. Of course. I buried my head in my hands and let the tears fall freely. Praying that God would save me. Send me something. Anything. It didn't matter at this point. Just something to help ease the pain. Make the rain stop. Let her mom arrive. Take her far away from this place. Anything. Nothing came though. Instead, a truck sped by, going through a puddle formed in the road. Drenching her even more.

She started to sob. Was this how bad her life had become? Apparently so. She hugged her knees even tighter and buried her face in her knees, looking up every once and a while for her parents. Still nothing.

A car driving by slowly came to a halt on the side of the road. Right in front of her. She looked up and wiped her eyes again. The driver rolled down the passenger side window. She strained to see who it was through the pouring rain.

"Allie?" the person called. She immediately recognized the voice. Adam. She stood up and walked over to the window.

"What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you have left like, hours ago?" he asked.

Allison sniffled. "Yeah. I should have."

Adam gave her a look of pity. "Awww, I'm so sorry baby. Want me to wait here with you? You can come sit in my car if you want, and maybe warm up a bit. You look awfully pitiful right now."

Allison forced a laugh. "Yeah, okay." She opened the passenger door and climbed into Adam's car. She was so cold. Her teeth started chattering. Adam stepped out of the car and grabbed her bags, putting them in the back seat. After that was done, he sat back down in the driver's seat and put an arm around her, pulling her close. With his other hand he turned the heat on.

I coughed. "You know Adam, you don't have to do this. You probably have better places to be."

"Nah, not really. And besides, you REALLY think I'm going to send you back out there in this weather? You'll catch a cold. Well, if you haven't already..."I smiled. Leave it to Adam to be the one person that actually cared.

Adam pulled away for a minute, and began to take off his leather jacket. "No Adam..." I started. "You don't need to do that. I...I already have a jacket and all..."

"Yeah, and it's drenched. As is the rest of you. But for now the least you could do is put this on. Please? It'll make me feel better." I gave him a weak smile. He helped me take off my jacket and get into his. It was pretty big on me, the sleeves going down past my hands. But so warm. So, so warm. I snuggled down into it. Adam laughed. "See, isn't that better?"

I nodded and smiled. "Yeah. Thanks."

"So, why were you waiting out there in the rain? If you needed a ride, you know you could've asked me for one. We only live about 45 minutes apart," Adam said after about 15 minutes of silence.

"Yeah, well my mom or dad were supposedly going to come pick me up. But...I guess they forgot or something..." I said, looking down. "And my phone's dead, so I couldn't even call you...or anyone for a matter of fact."

"So you've been waiting there for like, hours?! And they still haven't come? Wow, that's bad parenting I'm sad to say. I might have to have a talk with them..."

"NO!" I said, quickly interrupting him. He gave me a weird look. "Relax Allie, I was joking..." he said, looking at me suspiciously, trying to read me and figure out why I reacted like that. That happened a lot. I knew Adam knew something was up. That something was wrong. He'd spent so many nights comforting me while I cried into his arms. He never questioned it. He never asked why. He just let me cry. Eventually I'd calm down, and we'd part. Then everything was forgotten. Or so I thought.

Shame.

I couldn't tell Adam the truth. What was _really_ going on. More lies. More and more lies to cover up the painful truth. I couldn't even tell Adam, my best friend. Too much shame.

Finally about a half hour later my mom pulled up in her beat-up van. My mom. Thank God. Adam helped me with my bags and led me to the car. "Bye Allie. See you soon hopefully!" He kissed my forehead, causing me to turn a dark shade of red. He laughed and headed back to his car.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

I climbed slowly into the front seat of the car, putting my bags in the back seat. I looked over at my mom. "I...I'm sorry I'm this late Allie baby." she said quietly. "You're dad..." she trailed off. A nodded my head, glancing up at my mom's black eye. The rest of the car ride was silent. Completely silent. I stared blankly out the window, wishing I was back on tour. Back with Adam.

About 20 minutes later we pulled up in front of the house. I grabbed my bags out of the back seat, my mom helping me. I started walking towards the door at a slow pace. I didn't want to go back. But I had to. For my mom. I sighed and opened the door, dropping my bags on the ground by the doorway so I could take my shoes off. I picked them up along with my bags and quietly started walking up the stairs towards my room. Three steps...four... I kept walking. The next step let out a loud, almost endless "creeeeaaaak." I held my breath, waiting for the scream. But all was silent. Completely silent. Just as I was almost up the stairs, I heard the front door shut. I gasped and spun around. Just mom. But, it was loud enough for my dad to hear.

"Oh look, the little slut's home!" he yelled from downstairs, his booming voice echoing throughout the whole house. He walked out of his bedroom and over to the top of the stairs where I was. I dropped my bags and tightly gripped the railing in case he was in a bad mood. I watched my suitcase tumble to the bottom of the stairs. It hit the ground with a loud "THUMP!" It opened and my clothes spilled out all over the hardwood floor.

I bit my lip and glanced up at my dad. His fists were clenched, as were his teeth. He let out a low growl, then hit me right across the face. I lost grip on the railing and almost fell down the stairs. Somehow, I managed to settle myself. I kneeled there on the stairs, staying as low as possible as clung to the railing once again.

"Great job you worthless cretin. He stomped down the stairs and picked up my suitcase, letting the clothes still in fall out on the ground. He then picked it up over his head and heaved it at me. I shrieked quietly and covered my head with my arms. He screamed and slapped my mother across the face.

"MOM!" I cried out. My dad spun around and faced me. "Clean up this mess!" he screamed, then stormed up the stairs past me and into the bedroom, slamming the door. Tears in my eyes I went and cleaned up the mess of clothes on the ground. My mom slowly walked up the stairs silently, as if in a trance. Almost zombie-like. She opened the door of the bedroom then closed it quietly. I stopped and looked up. I heard shouting. Things were being thrown around the room.

"I'm sorry Carlos, please forgive me. I love you! Forget about the girl, just think of me." I heard more scuffling and shouting done by my father, then all was silent. I quickly threw my stuff back in the suitcase, ran up the stairs, and headed straight to my room. I slammed the door behind me and went right to my bed. I collapsed down on it and started crying.

How could she still love him after everything he's done? All the hurt he's put me, Jackie, Carlos Jr. and even HER through. And, she still loved him. It was as if she needed him. Craved him. Like she was obsessed. She put up with all the pain and suffering – all of the savage rampages and vicious fights. I couldn't understand it. At all. It was obvious he didn't care about her or the rest of us. But, she treated him like he was royalty. Like she was his humble servant, and he could do whatever he pleased. It was almost sickening. She was the one who got the worst of it too. He treated her worse than me. But still she went back to him. And still he hurt her. Still he put her through so much pain. So much suffering. She was wounded and bruised beyond repair. But it all didn't matter. It was all a twisted reality. Nothing made sense. Nothing.

Love.

That was the only thing she could thing of. Love. Is that why her mom went back to him every time? Every time he hit her? Every time he screamed at the top of his lungs words full of hate and vengeance. She would run back in his arms just like a little puppy dog. And she was left alone to suffer and wallow in her own misery.

I got up and started walking around my room, looking at everything around.

Memories.

When I looked around, everything would flood back in. Each item in my room resembling and holding a memory. Some good, some bad. Many bad. I walked over to one side of my room, running my hand over the fist-sized hole in the wall and thinking back.

It had been ages ago. I was only 8 I think. Something like that. Jackie was going to run away. I tried to convince her otherwise. It would only make things harder. Harder on her. Harder on me. She tried to force me to go with her. Said I would be better off. That someone my age shouldn't have to deal with the way life was now. She took out my suitcase and had started packing it with various items of clothes. The very same suitcase I had brought on tour. I glanced over at it for a second. If only it had worked. If only me and Jackie had gotten away. But we didn't get that lucky.

She had thrown my suitcase out the window, and slowly helped me down onto the roof. Just as she was about to climb out, my dad stormed in. When he saw what we were doing he got mad as hell. He slammed Jackie roughly into the wall and started hitting her. She had let out a blood-curdling scream and ducked away, causing my dad to miss her face and hit the wall, causing that very hole. Jackie managed to run out of my room. Then my dad spotted me, out on the roof. He yelled at the top of my lungs and started to climb out on the roof. I tried to get away, but the roof was slippery because it had been raining not too long ago. I had slipped off the roof and landed on the cold, hard pavement. I broke my leg. I ended up having to hobble over to my neighbor's house in pain so I could call an ambulance.

But that was just the beginning of my horrible childhood. I placed my hand slightly in the hole and glanced around gloomily at the rest of my room. It seemed so dark. So empty. So haunting.

I looked up at the cracked clock on the wall. Only 10. I was so tired though. No fight left in me. Almost no strength left. I walked over to my bed and climbed under the covers, purposely leaving the light on. This wasn't the place where I wanted to be in the dark. Not here. Not ever. I closed my eyes, and after about an hour of tossing and turning, I drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next morning I opened my eyes, groaning a bit. I rolled over and tried to fall back asleep. It was useless. I sighed and got out of bed. I looked at my clock. Only 6:30. Barely any sleep. But, I could watch the sun rise. A smile began creeping up on my face. Sunrise. During Idol, Adam had introduced her to sunrise. She'd always been up that early anyway, she'd just never taken the time to actually watch it.

_(Flashback)_

I was making my early morning coffee when I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. I jumped and spun around. Just Adam. I sighed with relief. "Jeez Adam, you almost gave me a heart attack! I didn't know you were a morning person."

"I'm not," he replied. "Just decided to go out by the pool and watch the sun rise."

"That's cool," I said, looking down and going back to what I was doing. "Don't you wanna watch it?" he asked me.

"Nah, I'm fine. It's just sunrise. Not a big deal."

"Yeah, but I bet you haven't seen it here, at the mansion. It's beautiful here. Come on!" he grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the door. I giggled and followed him out onto the patio and over to the pool. He slid off his light blue slippers and sat down on the edge of the pool, dipping his feet in. I gladly joined him, slipping my slippers off as well.

I looked up at the sky, the rising sun giving it a beautiful yellow orange glow. I turned towards Adam. "You know, I've actually never watched the sun rise."

He turned towards me, his eyes widening. "WHAT? You're always up early though. And you're telling me you've never watched the sun rise?" I shook my head. He turned back towards the sun. "Wow..." he said quietly. I turned back towards it as well. He set his one hand on top of mine. I glanced over at him again. "Well, if it's your first sunrise, I'm glad I could be here with you to share it..."

We sat there by the pool, not saying a word. We just stared up at the sky. The beautiful, glorious sunset.

_(end of flashback)_

I felt tears burning in my eyes as I thought about that wonderful memory. It was perfect. Like a dream. No, not like that. Better. Magical. Not even dreams were that good. I walked over to the window and rested her hand against it. It was still pretty dark. The sun was just beginning to rise.

I sat down on the chair near my window and stared out. Whenever I was up that early, I would watch the sun rise now. It brought back memories of Adam. So many memories. No matter what, he was there for her. Through the fun, joy, the tears, the agony. Everything. Whenever the sun rose, it felt like Adam was right there beside her. With his beautiful sparkling blue eyes and that goofy grin.

Wow, it hasn't even been a full 24 hours and I already missed him. Wasn't surprising though. He was the only person that could make me happy. The only person that could cheer me up no matter what happened. The one person that I loved. Yeah, I know. Lame. I couldn't help myself though. He was the definition of perfection. I glanced down at my arms. His jacket. I still had his jacket. I hugged it tightly against my person and watched the sun rise.

About an hour later I heard my stomach growl. I should probably eat something soon. I began to creep down the stairs, careful not to wake my parents. Wake my dad. I may be a morning person, but he sure as hell wasn't.

I turned the corner and was about to walk into the kitchen. I stopped though. My dad was in there, passed out on the floor. He must've came back downstairs after she fell asleep and started drinking. He did that quite often. And when he woke up...she shuddered at the thought. Basically, it wasn't very pleasant. I figured I should probably leave. He could wake up at any moment. I slipped my shoes on and opened the front door. Slowly. Quietly. Before he could hear, I slammed the door and began to run. As fast as I could.

Finally, I reached the park. I stopped running for a second to catch my breath. I was safe. He couldn't find me here.

After I caught my breath, I walked over to my usual place. A nice little wooden bench under a big, leafy tree. Instead of sitting on the bench I began to climb the tree. I settled on my usual branch. Thank God this tree was old. The branches were quite wide, and very sturdy. It made it the perfect spot.

I shifted to a comfortable position and took my iPod out of my pants pocket. I put the ear buds in and turned the music all the way up. This was her way to escape the world.

Suddenly, my phone began to vibrate. I took a deep breath in, praying it wasn't my dad. I took it out of my pocket. Just a text. I flipped my phone open and looked at it. I smiled. From Adam.

"_Morning beautiful,"_ it said. I blushed. He was so sweet. I should probably tell him about his jacket.

"_I still have your jacket,"_ I texted back, then shut my phone. It began vibrating almost instantly. He must not be busy then. I opened it again.

"_I guess we gotta meet up then. Hungry?"_

"_yeah. No way 2 get anywhere though,"_ I texted back.

"_I'll pick u up. Where r u?"_

I gave him directions, then climbed out of the tree and sat on the bench. He arrived about a half hour later.

"Little early to be out here all alone, isn't it?" he said, pulling the car up to me. I smiled and walked over to the other side of the car. I climbed in the passengers seat and shut the door. He began driving. "So, where do you wanna go?" he asked. "Know any good places?"

I thought for a moment. "Denny's?"

"Denny's it is then! I think I passed it on the way here..." They drove for about 5 minutes until they pulled up in front of Denny's. They walked in, sat down, and ordered. Our food came about 15 minutes later. It wasn't too busy, which was nice.

I began taking off Adam's jacket. "Well, here. Here's your..."

"Nah, you can keep it," he said.

"But it's your jacket. And you said you wanted it back."

"Yeah, well it was just an excuse to see you. I don't care about some old jacket. I just wanted to meet up." I blushed and looked down at my food. He smiled and began eating. I did the same.

"So, why you out so early anyway?" he asked between bites.

"Family troubles..." I mumbled. Adam knew I had issues with my parents. He didn't know to what extreme though.

"Awww, I'm sorry Allie..." he said, reaching across the table to put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm here for you though, okay baby?"

I smiled. "Thanks Adam. For everything."

"Anytime Allie. Whenever you need me, I'm just a phone call away. Okay?"

"Okay."

About 45 minutes later we finished eating. Being the gentleman Adam was, he refused to let me help pay for the bill. He also refused to take back his jacket. Classic Adam. He led me back to his car. "Okay, we should probably get you home. It's almost 10. Your parents should be up now."

"Joy..." I said sarcastically. Adam put an arm around me while driving.

"Don't worry Allie. Things tend to find a way of working out. You and your parents will resolve your differences sooner or later."

"Uh, no. We won't. We never will..." I said, a hint of coldness in my voice. Adam was silent for a minute.

"Well, okay. If you need someone to talk to about it, just give me a call. No matter what. I'll be there."

We pulled up to my house a minute later. The lights were on. Great, they were up. "Bye Adam..." I said sadly, and climbed out of the car. He pulled away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I started walking towards my house. Slowly. I didn't want to go back. I never wanted to. I turned the handle slowly. Cautiously. Maybe my dad wasn't up yet. It could just be my mom. Maybe he was still passed out on the kitchen floor. I could only wish. I opened the door just enough so I could slide in. I looked around. Sure enough, there was my dad. On the couch, waiting. His head rested on his hand. Probably hungover. Great, more fun for me.

"And where have you been?" he asked coldly.

"I was just...uh...well, Adam said..."

"ADAM?!" he boomed. He stood up, teetering a bit. He made his way over to me. I cowered near the door in the corner. "And what were you doing with that gay piece of trash?!"

"He's...he's my friend..." I said quietly.

His hand came in contact with my face. I fell against the wall. "You little whore, what were you doing with him?! Huh???"

"We just went to breakfast! That's all!"

He slammed me against the wall, then pushed my forehead roughly into it, causing me to bang my head. "LIAR! Tell me the truth! NOW!"

"I...I am!"

He grabbed my arm and twisted it. I screamed out in pain. He yanked me out of the corner by the same arm and threw me into the coat rack. I crashed into it, toppling it over and sending all of the coats on it down on me. He yanked me up out of the mess by my hair. "Anything to say now?!"

"No. I...I...I'm fine..." I studdered. He let go of me. I fell to the ground.

"Sara, get me some more beer. NOW!" He yelled. My mom scurried out of the kitchen and over to him. She handed him a beer, glancing down at me for a second. I actually thought she was going to help me up for a second. Instead she grabbed onto my dad's arm and hugged it tightly. I looked away from them. I had no one.

I pushed the coat rack back up, leaving most of the coats on the ground. I used one of them to pull myself up. My knees started to buckle a bit. I gripped the coat tightly for about a minute. Once I was sure I was alright, I made my way to the stairs, glancing over at my parents in the the living room for a second.

My dad was again on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table and his shirt pulled up slightly revealing his beer belly. My mom was right there next to him, her one hand rested on his stomach, her other one around my dad's arm hugging it protectively. Really, what had happened? What happened the night before to make her like this? I already knew the answer though. Disgusting. Thank God I was a heavy sleeper. I scowled and looked away from them, making my way up the stairs.

I went straight to my room, as I always did. That was the only room in the house that was seemingly safe. My dad rarely came in. I basically lived in my room. There wasn't much reason to leave. I had a small 20 inch TV up here. I didn't have cable, but it was enough at least. I also had my laptop. Internet connection was very slow, so slow I rarely used it. But, it was something at least. I had a pretty good stereo system and over 100 various CDs I had collected over the years, many of which used to be Jackie's and Carlos'. When they had fled, they left almost all of their CDs behind. And me. I still remember when each of them left. Jackie the most.

_(flashback)_

"Awww Allie, don't cry!" Jackie said, hugging me tightly. I couldn't help it though. I tried to hold them back, but they just kept flowing out. I couldn't speak. I just held my sister tightly. "I wanna take you with me kiddo, I really do. You know I can't though. You've got schooling to think about. I have no way of providing that for you. Plus I don't think I'll be able to afford to feed another mouth..."

"I'll...I'll quit school! I don't need it anyway. I'll get a job, help you make the money! Please Jackie, just don't leave me..." I sobbed.

She hugged me tighter. "I'm sorry Allison, I can't let you do that. I can't let you throw away your life. Besides, what about that American Idol thing you wanted to do? I KNOW you still want to do that." I smiled a bit. "Don't worry Squirt, you can come visit me once I get settled, okay? I promise. Maybe if I manage to make enough money somehow, you can even come stay with me." I squealed. "Once I get settled and everything, I'll call you. Let you know where I am. Then maybe when you're older, when you're the next 'American Idol' you can come visit, okay? I just hope you won't forget about us little people."

I smiled. "I love you Jackie."

"I love you too Allie."

_(end of flashback)_

I never did get that phone call. Nope. Nothing. No form of contact. I never heard from her after that. Never even saw her. When I auditioned for American Idol and ended up making it to the top 10, I hoped maybe she would come see me in concert. She'd come congratulate me. Then maybe invite me to stay with her. And I'd never have to go back to mom and dad again. But she never called.

I was alone. My mom had even left me. For him. Every time she went back to him. He would beat her, hurt her inside and out. Somehow she always went back to him with open arms. And an open heart. Only to have it ripped out again. Only to go through the same pain and suffering again. Over and over. She treated him like a saint. Put him up high on a pedestal. And he treated her like garbage. I don't know why she took it. Put up with it all. I often thought about it. All the time. She knew he was a bad guy. And yet she was still with him. Yet she still WANTED to be with him. Maybe one time he wasn't like this. Maybe he was kind. Sweet. Gentle. I tried to picture him like that. I couldn't though. All I saw was the horrible monster he was today.

Why did God put people like him on this Earth? Why? Did he like watching others suffer? Did it amuse him watching innocent people go through so much pain? But God also put people like Adam on the planet. People that made it seem like those horrible people didn't exist. People that almost made this life worth living. Those people seemed to make the pain disappear. Fade away almost. They made you forget about the bad things until that all doesn't seem real. They lift you high up on Cloud Nine and away from the cold, cruel world and into their own world. Their own perfect, almost unrealistic world. You feel that nothing bad could ever happen to you again. You're invincible, on top of the world. You could move mountains with that person by your side.

But when they're gone the pain comes rushing back. It swirls around you, engulfing you until you're completely under its spell. You're completely powerless, forced to bend at the knees towards its will. You're at rock bottom. No one's there to save you. You're alone, forced to fend for yourself. They throw everything at you when you're at your weakest, making it completely unbearable. They want you to suffer. They don't care about you, they only care about themselves. It amuses them to watch you suffer. You beg for mercy, praying they'll just leave you alone. You wish with all of your heart that the bad would just go away. Even for just a minute. You want the good to come back. Conquer the evil. Defeat it for good. But no, it can't. The evil will always be there. In real life, there is no real 'happily ever after.' Evil always conquers.

I took out my iPod and lay down on my bed. I put the earbuds in and turned it all the way up. The music blasted through my eardrums. I lay there and tuned out the world.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

About a week went by. Things stayed pretty much the same. I stayed upstairs, trapped in my room while the rest of the world seemed to pass by. Sure, I'd talked to Adam a couple of times, even texted a bit. That was it though. I stayed connected to my headphones. I rarely took them off, except when my iPod needed to charge. When that was happening I just laid there on my bed and thought. Mostly about life. My life. About how it just kept getting worse. I basically couldn't leave my room without my dad screaming at me and hitting me. I began losing a lot of weight because I ate less and less often. I basically had to sneak out of my room. Like a criminal. What had I done though? What had I done to deserve this? I asked myself that question every day. I still had yet to find an answer.

My dad seemed to be getting worse too. Well, towards me. Not towards my mom. He didn't beat her anymore, or at least I hadn't seen him. He would scream at her though. Call her names. Demean her in basically every way possible. But she never left his side. She might start crying though. Then he would scream at her to "stop being a wimp," and insult her more. She then would just go on about how much she loved him, and how 'great' he was. It was sickening. She would kiss up to him in almost every way possible, waiting on him hand-and-foot. He'd treat her like crap, and still she ran back to him. Why did she take that? Why did she give into his evil ways? Her mom had lost all sanity.

While my dad behaved nicer towards my mom, it was hell for me. He was drinking more often, which only made him more ornery. It made his temper even worse. He'd get mad at her for no reason. For literally nothing. She'd be downstairs in the kitchen maybe getting some food or something to drink, and he would come down and start beating her. This became a much more frequent event. Each time it seemed to get more painful. My whole body ached. I seemed to have bruises everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I ached all over.

I was becoming a darker person too. I started to listen to different music, music I didn't usually listen to. Usually I listened to rock music, sometimes punk rock or pop punk. Now, I was listening to sadder, slower music. Emo music I guess. Well, not all of it. All of the music I listened to was sad now though. Sad. Depressing. Much how I felt. The music saved me. It spoke to me. It speaks to everyone. It makes you feel the artist's pain. Helps you realize that you're not the only one that goes through hardships. There are others out there that may have it worse. She wasn't the only one going through this. Men and women alike all have dealt with things much like this. Some crumbled under the pain. I wasn't going to let that happen to me though. I would push through this. The music would save me.

Through all of this, I let the music take over. I'd started writing music. Sad, depressing music. It helped me cope through all of this. All together I made probably 10 songs. All slow and sad. They were more like poems though. I had no music to put with them. Just small little snippets of my life. Most of them were a jumbled mess. It didn't matter though. They were just a way to put my thoughts down on paper. A way to let it out. I had no other way.

My stomach started to growl. I was already 1:00 and I still hadn't eaten yet. Maybe I should go get something to eat. Or at least try. My dad would be down there though as he always was. Watching, waiting for me to come down those stairs. It was sickening. How could someone enjoy causing others pain? What had caused his mind to become so twisted?

My stomach growled again. I had to eat. I just couldn't let him see me. Not like I would get that lucky though. I never was that lucky. I got up off my bed, groaning a bit. My entire body was sore. And it was about to get worse.

I slowly creeped up to my door. I opened it slowly. I stood there for a second in the doorway, waiting. Listening. I heard no screaming. No yelling. Nothing. Maybe I got lucky. Maybe he was sleeping. Maybe. God, this sucked. Having to sneak around in my own house. Torture.

I started down our old, creaky stairs. Each step...each creak seemed to echo through the entire house. The quiet, eerie house. Still silent. I walked into the kitchen warily, checking over my shoulder every now and then. Still nothing. I was safe. I went up to the cupboard and started looking through the food up there. There wasn't too much. A few boxes of cereal, a granola bar, and a half-eaten twinky. Wow, greeeeat. I took down a box of cheerios and went to the fridge for milk. There was none. The only beverages we had were various alcoholic ones. Not exactly the best thing to go with cheerios. Guess I was eating it dry. I shut the fridge and turned around, only to come face-to-face with my dad. Shit.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he bellowed.

"I was...I...just..." I studdered.

"Trying to sneak some of my beer, huh? A margarita maybe? Some wine?"

"What? No!" I said, trying to duck under him and get away. He had me trapped though. His hand connected with my face.

"It's my beer! My wine! My drinks! Don't you DARE go anywhere near them!" He screamed, while repeatedly punching me in the chest, stomach, and face. Tears were streaming down my face.

"I...I wasn't touching any of your drinks dad! I...I was just...looking for some milk..."

"You lying bitch!" he screamed, throwing me to the ground. I skidded across the kitchen floor, hitting my head against the wall. The room appeared to be spinning. My vision went somewhat blurry too. I could see my dad approaching though. Coming straight for me. I started crawling towards the stairs as fast as I could. So close. I grabbed the railing and tried to hoist myself up. My head felt as if it would explode. My muscles were weak. But, my dad was still coming. I let out a yelp and ran up the stairs, tripping and stumbling until I finally reached the top. My dad stood at the bottom, waving his fist in the air angrily. "Don't you EVER touch my drinks again you little freeloader!"

I got to my room and slammed the door. I slumped down against it, breathing heavily. My head hurt like hell. I was seeing double...no, triple. Crawling, I managed to make it to my bed. I laid down and stared up at the ceiling. Still alone. Still hurting. And...still hungry. I can't even get a bite to eat in my own house. Pitiful.

As if answering my prayers, my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID. Adam. How did he always know when I needed him? It was as if we had this telepathic bond. He knew me so well. I was so lucky to have him. What would I really do without him?

I answered the phone right away. "Allie, hey!" he said almost right away. I smiled. Oh how I loved his sweet, melodic voice. All of my problems started to fade away.

"Adam! Hey, what's up?" I said joyfully.

"Not much. REALLY bored. In the studio at the moment, working on some songs for my album and all. How's your album coming?" he asked.

I covered the mouthpiece and sighed. I hadn't been able to work on my record since during the tour. It was almost done. Just a few songs left to record. She'd never be able to finish it though. Her dad. He would never let her. He'd start yelling at her again about "how useless a music career was" and "how stupid she was for actually trying to pursue something like that." Then he'd most likely end up hitting her. Again.

"It's okay I guess..." I lied. Adam shouldn't have to worry about that. "I've been just, um...busy at home. I probably won't be able to finish it. My dad's just...not into me being a singer. So oh well. I guess that career's over..." I said, trying not to sound too depressed.

"WHAT?! No Allison, I'm not letting that happen. Why don't you come over to the studio now with me? I mean, I'm sure they won't mind. If you have lyrics and everything, you could record here. At least get started. And you..."

"YES!!! A thousand times yes!" I interrupted, practically shouting into the phone. Adam laughed. "Uh, can you pick me up though? I...I don't really have a way to get there..." I said, lowering my voice. Hopefully my dad hadn't heard me. Who knows what would happen then. I shivered.

"Sure, fine by me. I need a break anyway. What's your address again?"

"Uh...can you pick me up at the park again? Like I said, my dad doesn't really want me doing this whole music thing. It'd be better if he doesn't know..." Hopefully Adam would buy that. Well I wasn't really _lying_. It's just...I wasn't telling the full truth. Every sad, depressing little detail. It was better he didn't know anyway. I didn't want him pitying me, feeling even more sorry for me than he already did.

"Sure, as long as we don't get caught. I don't want me...or more importantly you; getting in trouble." I smiled. Same spot as before?"

"Yeah, same spot."

"Okay. See ya then!" He hung up. I shut my phone and listened. No sound of my dad. He hadn't heard my loud outburst. Or if he did, he didn't do anything about it. I actually got lucky for once. I got up off my bed and started getting my things: my iPod, a couple sheets of music, and my jacket. I took out a long-sleeve shirt out of my dresser and slipped it over my t-shirt. I made sure it wasn't too thick so I wouldn't sweat to death. Oh, if only I didn't have to do this. If only I didn't have to always cover up the various bruises over my body. If only they'd fade away already. I re-did my make-up as well, making sure to cover any blemish or discoloration on my face. Once I was satisfied, I went over to my door, putting my ear against it and listening. Still nothing. I was safe. Just to be safe though, I decided to use the window.

Once I was safely on the ground, I looked back at the house. It looked so still. So...peaceful. If only. I started walking briskly towards the park, wanting to get away from that evil house as soon as I possibly could. I would be safe soon though. I would be with Adam.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Adam arrived at the park about 15 minutes later. I took the ear buds out of my ear and slipped th iPod in my jacket pocket, and climbed into Adam's car, flashing him a smile as I did so. He smiled back. And that was it. He started driving towards the studio. We drove in silence. Deafening silence. I couldn't stand silence. I never could. As if he was reading my mind, Adam turned the radio on. Shinedown's song Second Chance had just started playing. I turned the dial, cranking it up. "So, I'm guessing you like this song, right?" he chuckled. I nodded and started singing along at the top of my lungs.

"...My eyes are open wide  
And by the way, I made it  
Through the day  
I watched the world outside  
By the way, I'm leaving out  
Today

Well, I just saw Hailey's  
Comet shooting  
Said why you always running  
In place?  
Even the man in the  
Moon disappears  
Somewhere in the  
Stratosphere

Tell my mother,  
Tell my father  
I've done the best I can  
To make them realize  
This is my life  
I hope they understand  
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...  
Sometimes goodbye  
Is a second chance..."

* * *

We arrived at the studio not too much later. Adam climbed out of the car and shut his door, quickly running to my side and opening mine for me. He held out his hand for me to take. I laughed. "You're so corny..." I grabbed his hand and slipped out of the car. We started walking toward the studio, Adam's hand still around mine. I squeezed it tightly. Hands intertwined, we walked into the building.

As soon as we stepped through those doors, I felt at home. No, not the home I was used to. Not that unbearable hellhole. The way a home is supposed to feel like. Warm. Fun. Friendly. A place you actually WANTED to be. Oh, how I missed this place.

A few of Adam's producers gave me dirty looks as I walked into the room with Adam. "Hey guys, this is Allison. She's gonna sit in, maybe record a song or two for her album. That okay?"

"You're paying for the time, not our problem..." one of the producers mumbled. I shrunk back.

"You sure this is okay Adam?" I said quietly, so only he can hear. "You don't have to be doing this. I'm fine just watching..."

He put an arm around my shoulder. "Nonsense! It's no big deal, really. Don't let them intimidate you, Allie baby. It's fine."

"Well, okay…I'll let you do your thing first though…" I gave a weak smile, and went to sit down in a small wooden chair near the recording booth, averting my eyes from the producers' glares. I sunk down in the chair, gripping my song notebook I had tightly against my chest.

"Okay Adam…" said one of the producers, a tall, clean-cut man wearing a pin-stripe suit and sunglasses. "Let's take it from the top of Broken Open…" he instructed. Adam put the large headphones on and started singing. And oh, it sounded like a choir of angels. His voice blended perfectly with the slow, melodic beat.

"Broken pieces  
Break into me  
So imperfectly  
What you should be

I don't want you to go  
Don't want you to see you back out in the cold  
Air you're breathing out  
Fades you to gray  
Don't run away  
Find me

I know the battles of  
Chasing the shadows  
Of who you wanna be  
It doesn't matter  
Go on and shatter  
I'm all you need

Broken pieces, break into me  
So imperfectly  
What you should be  
Lay here, it's safe here, I'll let you be broken open  
Hide here, confide here so we can be broken open…"

"Okay, okay…" the same producer interrupted, stopping the music. "That sounded great! We need to get another track of the first verse though; it was a little pitchy…"

Bullshit. It was perfect.

They did a few more takes of the song. Each time he would sound better and better. I didn't even think that was possible. But then again, this was Adam.

"Okay, I think we got enough takes of this song…" the producer said about 15 minutes later. You're little friend can play around in the recording studio while we make a rough cut of the song…"

I looked down at my feet, again avoiding the producer's eyes. Adam walked over to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. "Ignore him, he's just a little uptight…" he whispered into my ear. "He's really not that bad once you get to know him."

I scoffed. "Yeah, okay…"

Adam laughed. "Well, come on!" He lead me into the recording booth. I grinned and looked around. I hadn't been in one of these since during the Idol tour when I had started working on my record. I missed this.

"You have a track of you music?" he asked me. I nodded and took the CD out of a slot in my notebook. He walked out of the recording booth and put it in. He gave me a 'thumbs up' and put on a pair of headphones. I did the same, walking up to the mic. The track started playing. I tapped my foot to the rhythm, making sure I had it down. Then, I started singing.

"Did I say something stupid?  
There goes one more mistake  
Do I bore you with my problems?  
Is that why you turn away?  
Do you know how hard I've tried  
To become what you want me to be

Take me, this is all that I've got  
This is all that I'm not, all that I'll ever be  
I've got floss, I've got faults  
Keep searching for your perfect heart  
It doesn't matter who you are  
We all have our scars, we all have our scars

You say don't act like a child  
But what if it's a father I need?  
It's not like you don't know  
What you got yourself into  
Don't tell me I'm the one who's not here  
Do you know how hard I've tried  
To become what you want me to be

Take me, this is all that I've got  
This is all that I'm not, all that I'll ever be  
I've got floss, I've got faults  
Keep searching for your perfect heart  
It doesn't matter who you are  
We all have our scars, we all have our scars

Come on, just let it go  
These are things you can't control  
Your expectations, your explanations  
Don't make sense to me  
You and your alternatives  
Don't send me to your therapist  
Deep down I know what you mean  
And I'm not sure that's what I wanna be  
Oh oh, oh oh oh, no oh

Take me, this is all that I've got  
This is all that I'm not, all that I'll ever be  
I've got floss, I've got faults  
Keep searching for your perfect heart  
It doesn't matter who you are  
We all have our scars, we all have our scars  
Oh oh, oh oh, no no no, oh oh, ooh oh oh

Did I say something stupid?  
There goes on more mistake…"

I finished singing, dropping my head down so Adam didn't see the tears in my eyes. That song brought back so many bad memories. My dad and his cruelty. And my broken, shattered life. It all came out in this song. Sure, I didn't actually write the song. I did tweek the lyrics a bit though, to fit my situation better. But, no one knew about that. No one WOULD know either. I'm hoping no one would at least. I don't need people feeling sorry for me. I hated that feeling.

"Oh my God Allie, that was AMAZING!" Adam said through the mic on the headset.

"Thanks…" I mumbled, trying to cover up my sadness. I wasn't too good at that though. Adam could tell. He removed the headset and walked through the door.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, walking up to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. I winced in pain. That's one of the spots my dad had hit me.

He must've saw I was in pain, because he took his hand away. I could tell he was worried about me. He had been for quite some time. Those subtle hints I had dropped, some by accident, some on purpose. In a way, I wanted someone to know. Someone that could help me through the heartache. Maybe, someone to stop it. But, I also didn't want anyone to know. What would happen to me? I would probably be removed from my dad. But what about my mom? Knowing her, she would stick by his side. Then, I would be alone.

Either way, Adam still hand't pieced everything together yet. He didn't know what was really happening. Just that I was always depressed, and I didn't like my parents. But like I've said, he didn't know the extent of the situation.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" I said, fake smiling. "I guess I just…get really into the song, and the emotion of it and all. I'll be fine…"

"Well, okay…" Again, he didn't believe me. I may lie a lot, but I sure as hell haven't begun to improve. Adam could read me like a book. He was at least nice enough to let it alone. He knew I'd talk about it when I was ready. When that would be, I didn't know.

"So, you wanna go to the mall or something? The producers still have to cut a few tracks and all, so we have about an hour or two…"

I smiled. "Sure."

We walked out of the recording booth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

Adam and I walked through the mall aimlessly. We signed a few autographs for fans that approached. Thankfully most left us alone though. "You wanna stop for smoothies?" he asked me. I grinned. "Sure."

We walked into this cute little smoothie place in the back of the mall. It was practically empty. We walked up to the counter and ordered, then sat down on a bench to wait until they called us up. "So, are you ever going to tell me what's up with you lately? You've been acting different lately ever since the tour ended. What's going on?"

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him everything: about my parents, and the physical abuse from my dad, how my mom didn't care anymore, but I couldn't. I'd have to lie. Again. I hated lying to Adam. He was the one person that was always honest with me. Always real. I wish I could be the same with him. "I'm fine Adam, really. It's probably just stress or something of having to transition from tour back to living at home. It'll all pass sooner or later. Don't worry…"

Adam seemed satisfied with this answer. He kept eyeing me though. God, he was making me feel worse.

The lady called us to the counter, and we picked up our smoothies. I tried to pay for my own, but Adam, being the gentleman he was, had to pay. Of course. He handed the lady behind the register the money, then grabbed my hand and led me back over to the bench we were sitting at before. I was grinning like an idiot. I quickly took a sip of my smoothie so Adam wouldn't see. He saw my awkwardness and started laughing. I laughed too, while I was drinking, causing my smoothie to bubble. Adam was basically in hysterics now. People were starting to stare. Adam didn't care though. He just kept laughing. That's one thing I loved about Adam. He didn't care what others thought. I on the other hand was probably as red as my hair.

"How ladylike Allie…" Adam said between laughs.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? You wanna see ladylike?" I took a sip of the smoothie, holding that sip in the straw with my tongue. I took the straw out and pointed it straight at Adam. Before he could react, I blew, causing what was in the straw to squirt out on Adam. Now I was the one in hysterics.

"I wouldn't have done that if I were you!" Adam removed the top of his smoothie.

My eyes widened. "You wouldn't..." But I knew he would. I jumped up and ran. He gripped the cup and flung what was left at me. Most of it landed on the ground behind me. The rest splattered all over my jacket sleeve. I shrieked. "You are SO dead Lambert!"

I threw the top of my smoothie down on the ground and charged at Adam. He knew it was coming though. He quickly dodged what was thrown at him. But, I still had a little left. I got a sudden burst of speed, sprinting after him. I jumped on his back, tackling him to the ground. I then dumped the remnants of my smoothie right on his head.

"Iraheta, what did you do?!" he shouted, trying to sound mad. He was laughing too hard for that to take effect though. He flipped over, and I sat on his chest triumphantly.

"I win."

"Oh, do you?!" he started tickling my sides. I fell to the side and started laughing hysterically. Curse him and his tickling ways. I rolled around on the floor, trying to get away. He got up and pinned me down with one arm, tickling me with the other as he hovered over me. My smile dropped when I saw a not-too-pleased mall cop standing right next to us. Adam followed my gaze, quickly getting off of me at the sight of the tall, overweight uniformed officer. Well, it that's what you wanted to call him. Not really an 'officer.' Just some crappy mall cop.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you two to come with me..."

Me and Adam both gave each other a look. We got up and bolted, hands intertwined. "Hey, get back here you rotten kids!" the man shouted after us, running to catch up. He soon stopped to catch his breath. Stupid overweight mall cop.

We ran out of the closest exit, and soon found Adam's car. We climbed in and sped away. Adam roared the engine as we did. The tires screeched as we turned out onto the road.

I started laughing again. "Oh. My. God. That was AWESOME! How often do you get chased by a mall cop out of the mall?!"

"Well, actually..."

I turned to him. "Seriously Adam?"

He laughed. "Yeah, well...mall cops sometimes, well...they don't like when you throw popcorn at them..."

"No...really?" I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"Yup, that's why I'm not allowed in this one mall back in New York City. Good luck coming back here. Because of your hair, they probably have you pinned."

"What about you and all your black?"

"Yeah, they'll just pin it on some creepy goth dude. No biggy."

I laughed. Only Adam.

* * *

We headed back to the studio. The producers were just finishing up putting the finishing touches on Adam's one song he recorded earlier. When we walked in, they all gave us funny looks. I looked at Adam, and immediately started laughing. He had my smoothie on his shoulders and in his hair, which was actually starting to harden. My jacket was stained too. Oh well.

"You wanna take that jacket off Allie? There's no point in wearing it anyway" I looked down, avoiding his eyes. I couldn't take it off. I was wearing short sleeves. And, the bruises. I couldn't let Adam see. He would get suspicious. And after seeing them, he wouldn't believe my lies any longer. My secret would be out.

"Nah, I'm good..." I mumbled. "I'm...I'm cold."

"How the heck are you cold? It's like, 80 degrees in here!" He was probably right. It was really stuffy in there. That's one of the few things I hated about these places.

"I'm fine Adam, really..."

"Come on, stop being so stubborn, your shirt can't be that ugly..." he joked. He tried to grab the sleeve of it and yank it off, but I crossed my arms so he couldn't. I looked at him with pleading eyes. "Please Adam...I'm fine..."

He eyed me suspiciously again. I tried to avoid his eyes. I glanced up a little and met them. I had to look away. It hurt too much.

"Okay, fine..." he finally said. I could hear the disappointment in his voice. He knew I wasn't telling him everything. I hated lying.

"Okay Mr. Lambert, I think we're actually done for today. We finished mixing Broken Open, along with Sure Fire Winners and Aftermath. Want a copy of the tracks?" Adam nodded, and the tall, lanky producer handed him a CD. He walked over to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me towards the door.

"Now where are we going?" I asked.

"Back to my apartment to get you cleaned up since you're too stubborn to just take off your damn jacket."

"Okay..." I said quietly. I could tell he wasn't too happy with me. But, what was I supposed to do?

* * *

We arrived at a small hotel not too much later. It looked kind of old and shabby. "THIS is where you live?" I asked, turning towards him and giving him a look.

He laughed. The first halfway cheery thing he'd done since we'd gotten in the car. "No, I'm just staying here until we finish up the record. It beats driving an hour there and back to the recording studio." He parked, and got out of the car. I followed him into the hotel. We walked up a flight of stairs, and down a long hallway until we reached room 304. He stuck the key in the lock and turned it, then pulled open the door, revealing a small, shabby one-room apartment. "Okay, well, maybe it's not better then the drive, I just hate this L.A. traffic."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Okay, let's clean your jacket up now..." he led me to the bathroom, and then started scrubbing the sleeve of my jacket. I stood there awkwardly, trying to ignore my and Adam's close proximity. That's harder than you think. That boy was going to be the death of me.

* * *

"Okay, now what?" I asked him, once my jacket was at least somewhat cleaned. Adam looked up at the clock. "WOW, it's like, 11 already. I should probably get you home..."

Home...I shivered. That was the last place I wanted to be. I looked up at him with sad, pleading eyes. I didn't want to face my dad's angry face there, waiting for me to get home. Waiting so he could beat me for leaving without permission.

Adam must've read my expression, because he rolled his eyes. "You wanna stay here for the night?"

"YES!" I shouted, and then blushed once realizing my reaction. "I mean..."

He laughed. "It's fine by me. Don't want to get in trouble, right?"

I nodded. If only he knew...

"Okay. You can take my bed, I'll take the couch." He started to walk away to grab an extra blanket. I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"No, you don't have to do that. This is your place. Plus I kinda invited myself. So, I'll sleep on the couch."

"Ha-ha, no. I'm not letting you sleep on the couch. It's old, dirty, and uncomfortable. And, you're a guest."

"Well, I guess there's only one solution then..." I grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. What the hell was I doing? "We can both sleep on the bed...and just, uh...you know..." I trailed off. God, this was so awkward. Why was I even suggesting this? Well, we HAD slept together a couple times in the Idol mansion, but that was just falling asleep together on the couch after watching movies. This was different. What was he going to say?

Thankfully, he smiled. "Okay. I don't mind." Oh. My. God. Sleeping with Adam Lambert. Every girl's dream. Well, it's not like we were having sex. Just...sleeping in the same bed. No big deal, right? Wrong. I was freaking out on the inside.

Adam yawned. "Okay, we should probably get to sleep now..." He climbed into bed, and patted the spot beside him. I cautiously lay down next to him, careful not to get too close. I didn't want to make things awkward. I mean, he WAS gay, but sometimes I just didn't know.

Adam set a blanket over the both of us, then reached over and shut off the light. He faced the outside of the bed, as did I. Our backs were right up against each others though, because it was only a twin sized bed. Thank God for cheap, crappy hotels.

Adam's breathing finally slowed down. He started shifting in his sleep, finally rolling over. Not being able to help myself, I rolled over too so I was facing him. He lay there peacefully, his chest heaving up and down at a slow, steady pace. Wow. He was gorgeous even when he slept. I moved slightly closer to him, and then shut my eyes. I felt his arm wrap around me. I opened my eyes. His eyes opened for a split second, and then quickly shut again. The corners of his mouth went up slightly, then quickly flattened again. That sly dog.

**so you get that end part? It's saying he was akake the whole time lol:)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

I awoke to find Adam's arm still draped over me. And, somehow our legs had become entangled. I tried to get out of the bed quietly, without waking Adam. His iron grip on my legs was too tight though. Damn it, Adam. I couldn't move my arms either, so I couldn't shake him awake. "Adam..." I called out. Nothing. "ADAM!" I called out, even louder. Still, he didn't wake up. He was a pretty heavy sleeper. Lucky me. How the hell was I supposed to wake him? I started blowing in his face. His nose crinkled, and he sneezed. Right on my face. Yuck. His sneeze must've woken him up though, because he began to stir. I took this moment to slide my hand out and wipe my face. His eyes opened.

"Hey Allie," he said sleepily.

"Hey yourself. You just sneezed in my face..." I said disgustingly.

He laughed. "Whoops." He grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah, whoops. Can you like, let me go now? Your legs are pretty much wrapped around mine."

"Whoops..." he said again. This time he was grinning. I rolled my eyes. He shifted his body, and moved so I could climb out.

"Okay, you have any food here?" I asked.

He laughed again. "Nothing good. Wanna go get some grub?"

"Sure."

He climbed out of bed as well, and headed to the bathroom, grabbing a change of clothes out of his suitcase. He came out about 15 minutes later. "Okay, I'm ready."

I looked in the mirror and sighed. I was a mess. My make-up was smeared, and my hair was sticking up. Adam noticed my distress and walked over to me. "You look beautiful, don't worry..." he said, kissing my forehead. I turned a bright shade of red.

"Come on, let's go." Adam grabbed my hand, and pulled me out the door before I had a chance to fret about my appearance. We got into the car, and Adam drove off.

"So, where are we going?" I asked after about 5 minutes of being on the road."

"The store," he said simply.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks Adam."

"Any time babe!"

I pushed his shoulder playfully.

We pulled into a parking lot of a small little corner store. The second I stepped out of the car, I could sense something wrong. No idea what. But, I felt it. A chill went up my spine. I glanced left, then right, then left again, trying to find the source of my sudden anxiety. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. I practically jumped out of my skin.

"Woah Allie, you okay? You're like, freaking out."

"I don't know Adam. I just...I don't feel right. Something's wrong. I don't know what though.

"Chill, everything's fine. Just relax, okay?"

I relaxed my shoulders, which had gone stiff. "Okay. I guess you're right. Let's go."

We started walking towards the door, when I saw a figure exiting. Oh no. God, PLEASE no. It was him. My dad. Here. Why here?! He had a 24-pack of beer in his hands. Oh, that's why. But no. Not now. "FUCK!" I jumped behind Adam, praying my dad hadn't seen me there. Why now? Why when I was with Adam?

My dad went through the automatic doors and made a bee-line straight towards us. I cowered behind Adam, gripping his arm tightly. Adam glanced between me and my dad, a confused look on his face. He had never met my dad before. He'd only heard what I'd said about him. How much I hated him. How he didn't support me. How he didn't care. But, he didn't know what really happened. And, he didn't know that this was the very man I despised with every bone in my body heading straight towards us.

"ALLISON!" my dad shouted. "What the fuck are you doing here, out of the house? And, with this fag!"

I felt Adam stiffen up at that.

"Dad, please no. Please..." I begged, praying he'd just leave. Obviously he would do no such thing. "Dad, Adam's my friend."

"I don't care who the hell he is! Why aren't you at home in bed like you're supposed to be? You weren't there last night either! So I expect that Mr. Eyeliner fucked you pretty good. He did, didn't he. DIDN'T HE?!" he shouted.

Adam took a deep breath in, obviously, trying to calm himself. "Sir, I would never do that to your daughter..."

"Oh yeah. You're GAY, I forgot!" My dad said mockingly. Adam stiffened up again. "Well, I don't want Allison hanging around with you or your 'kind.'"

"DAD!"

"...and, I already told her she isn't supposed to!"

"With all due respect sir," Adam said, anger evident in his voice. "...Allison should be allowed to hang out with whoever she wants. You shouldn't try to control and manipulate that."

My dad's fists clenched. He looked as if he was about to explode. I gripped Adam's arm tighter, and yanked him back a foot or two so he wasn't in my dad's swinging range.

"Allison, you're coming home. NOW!" my dad shouted, his eyes not leaving Adam's.

"Dad, I...I don't want to. I want to be with Adam."

That just about sent my dad over the top. He pushed past Adam and yanked me roughly away from him. I quickly broke free of my dad's grasp and backed up, hitting the wall of the store.

"Come on Allison!" my dad said. His fists were clenched tightly, and ready to give me a good beating. I glanced at Adam, who didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was happening. He just thought my dad was mad about spending the night at his house. But oh, no. He didn't know. He didn't know what my dad would do. That if I didn't obey, and listen to his commands, he would beat me right there on the spot. Slam my head against the gravel, throw me up against the wall, and punch and kick me until I ended up in a quivering pile on the ground. Or worse, do that to Adam. I'd never be able to live with myself if he did that. If he did ANYTHING to Adam. I couldn't let that happen. And, I couldn't let Adam see my dad do that to me either.

"Okay. Fine." I said quietly. But, that wasn't enough for my dad. Oh, no.

"Now, say how much you hate that make-up wearing, gay piece of trash. Tell him you never want to see him again," he said, quiet enough so Adam couldn't hear.

Tears were forming in my eyes. "I...I can't."

"Do it!" my dad said, taking a step closer. "...or he's as good as DEAD."

I choked on a sob. Adam. No. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let anything happen to him. I glanced over at Adam, who was still trying to make something of this situation. That poor, confused boy. He didn't know what was happening. And now...this. I took a breath in, and took a few steps towards Adam.

"Allison, are you okay?" he asked worriedly. Why did he heave to care about me so much? It was only making this harder.

"Adam, I...I...just go. Please. GO. I don't want to see you. EVER AGAIN."

"Allie..."

"No Adam. I'm sorry. I...I...I hate you..."

And with that, my dad grabbed my arm, and roughly yanked me towards his car. Tears were streaming down my face as I watched Adam standing there motionless in the parking lot. My dad threw me in the passenger seat, slamming the door behind me. He got into the driver's seat, and started the car. He sped out of the parking lot. I stared longingly out the back window, watching Adam until I couldn't see him anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9:**

My dad beat me when we got home to an extent that I could barely move. Somehow I managed to make it upstairs to my room. I gripped my bed frame tightly and pulled myself up, trying to ignore the immense amount of pain that shot through my entire body. I forced myself up onto the bed and burst into tears. For everything. The pain. The emotional hysteria I was going through. And...Adam. I told him I hated him. That I didn't want to see him. Ever again. But, I felt the exact opposite. I wanted him. I NEEDED him. I couldn't live without him. And, as I sat there wallowing in my misery, all I wanted to do was be with him. Because, only Adam could make it all better. I had to let him know that I didn't really feel that way. There's no way I'd be able to call. My dad would hear and beat me again. And, I don't think my body could survive another beating like that.

I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my phone, wincing in pain as I did. Every movement I made hurt, no matter how small. But this was for Adam. So, it didn't matter.

"Adam, I didn't mean ANY of that. I swear to you," I texted. He answered back almost immediately.

"I know," it said. That's it? A blunt two-word response? That wasn't like Adam.

"???" I responded.

"I know your dad made you say that. But it's the way you said it. Then, you just left with him."

"I had no choice!" I texted back.

"Whatever Allie..." he said. After that, he wouldn't answer my texts. Was he busy, or purposely ignoring me? Didn't he even care? Didn't he know what I was going through? Oh, of course he didn't. Because I couldn't tell him! I longed to tell him with every fiber in my being. I wanted someone, ANYONE to know. Someone I could go to, and tell anything to. That was Adam. For the most part that is. Everything besides this.

Why me? Why did all of this have to happen to me? I know, I've asked this many times before. But I still have yet to find an answer. Did God just hate me THIS much? Or, maybe...there is no God. And, all that I believed in was a lie. It wouldn't be the first time. Too bad it wasn't all that simple.

For some reason, I was meant to be 'broken,' I guess you could say. That was a good word. Broken. Always have, probably always will be. And now...I might've lost Adam. The only person that had been able to take my broken heart and glue it back together. I guess he did it with Elmer's glue.

I wanted desperately to cry. I needed a way to get rid of all of this hurt. But, the tears wouldn't come. I just lay there motionless on my bed, staring at the ceiling. So, this is what it's like. This is what it's like to be completely empty. To have basically no reason to live. I now knew how all those emo people in the world felt. I, myself would never be able to cut myself. I did have that will though. The will to die. I just wasn't the kind of person that could do anything about it. A lot of people would find that to be a good thing. Not me though. I wanted to die. Maybe life on the 'other side' would be better then life now. If there even WAS a heaven. If there even WAS a God. I found it hard to believe at this point in my life. I had always been a strong believer in 'the other side' that God created for us. In God himself, actually. Because every time I looked at Adam, things would just be okay, no matter how crappy things got. It's like...I saw a little bit of God in him. I don't know. But, now Adam was gone. My savior was gone. My life was pretty much over.

My body felt cold all over. Temperature wasn't the case, it being almost 80 degrees out. It was that feeling of nothingness again. That feeling that overshadowed my well-being. That feeling that made me think, 'why am I still alive?' It was a good question. Why? Am I actually meant for greatness? It didn't look like it at this point. Every chance of greatness I've had has been shattered by that little thing called REALITY. I couldn't even finish my CD because of my whole 'situation.' So, Idol was a joke. It's done nothing for me except introduce me to Adam, which only makes me ache more now that he's been yanked away from me. In a way, I wish I'd never met Adam. Not because he's been bad, no. He's been perfect. That's the problem though: that only makes it harder to get over him. With him, I had everything. But without him, I had nothing. Absolutely nothing. Which only made the emptiness worse.

I grabbed my iPod, again ignoring the agonizing pain that seemed to coarse through my veins. I let the music drown out my thoughts, and live through my life. Music was great like that. The good kind of music, the kind where the artist actually spent time on the LYRICS and not just the melody, THAT was the kind that could save you. That was what saved me. It almost angers me how people today listen to all that crap on the radio. Half of it, it seems is about drugs, sex, gangs, that kind of stuff. Most rap pretty much.

That's why I despised almost all rap. Those songs just couldn't touch your heart the way MY type of music did. The type I listened to is the kind they should be listening to. Breaking Benjamin, Red, Shinedown, Skillet, and other bands that really gave a THOUGHT to what they wrote about. They actually take the time to make the lyrics personal, a memoir of their own pain and suffering they've been through. Lyrics that were REAL. There were a few songs like that on the radio, but not too much it seemed. Only if the song had a 'catchy beat' or something. Even songs by artists that were actually REAL, the ones on the radio usually weren't even there real, hard-hitting songs. Like If You Only Knew? It sucks compared to Shinedown's other stuff. And Monster? It doesn't even compare to Skillet's other songs like Open Wounds and Would It Matter. But apparently those aren't 'radio songs.'

Don't people know that's not what it's all about? Sure, it is a little. Without the guitar, the drums, the beats, the song's not really a song. But, lyrics matter too. MORE important in my opinion.

As I lay there in agonizing pain, I yet again pondered life. I went through crap like this constantly, and each time it seemed to have less an affect on me. Was I getting stronger, or weaker? Because, if this had happened to me last year, I probably would've attempted suicide. But now...nothing. I felt nothing at all. So, was that a good or bad thing? I didn't seem to have any emotions anymore. I was just an empty soul amongst this vast universe. Nothing mattered. And now, not even Adam did.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

Days went by. Then, weeks. I was still alone. I still had no one to go to, no one to hold. I'd tried calling and texting Adam numerous times, but he never answered. I guess he just didn't care anymore. I longed for someone to go to. Someone to comfort me when I cried. That was becoming more and more frequent too. Every night I cried myself to sleep now. I never used to cry. Well, not this much at least. I was strong. I was able to push through and withstand the pain. But now I was broken. Broken beyond repair.

Things weren't getting any better with my dad either. If anything, they were getting worse. With me being cooped up in the house, he seemed to drink even more. And, get angrier. Not even at anything, either. He'd just get angry. He'd beat me every day, sometimes more than once. I had so many bruises on my arms and legs you'd think that was my natural skin color. There were days where I couldn't even move. Those days, my dad would just come into my room and release his anger up there. So, I wasn't even safe in my room anymore.

Every minute of every day consisted of pain now. Because, when it wasn't physical, it was emotional. I longed for companionship. I longed for Adam back. Almost every night I dreamed about him. One night, he was an angel, high up in the sky. I reached and reached for him. I asked him to carry me away, to save me. But he flew away. Another night, I was trapped in a burning building. I stared out the window, pounding on it and screaming as loud as I could. People walked by the house, not even acknowledging it. I kept screaming and screaming, but no one came to help. Then, Adam walked by. I screamed for him. He stopped walking and stared at me. He never moved. He just stood there. He didn't save me.

Maybe my dreams were trying to tell me something. Maybe Adam would never save me. In all of my dreams, Adam just walked or faded away. Or, he stood there, watching. He didn't do anything. He watched me suffer. He watched me die. I'd always wake up sobbing. It was horrible.

It's hard to imagine the one person that cares about you not giving a damn. It's hard not having a single person that loves you. Most kids had their parents, or at least a friend or sibling. But, who did I have? My brother and sister were gone. They left me behind. My parents? God, I think they'd rather I be dead. And the one friend I actually had, the one person that actually cared about me, well, he left me. He left me to suffer, and suffer I was.

I wanted to die. I actually wanted to die now. There had been times previously in my life where I had wanted to. But, none of those feelings had lasted for this long of a period. And, none of them had been this strong. I wanted to go to the afterlife. I wanted to get away from this dreadful place I existed in. The darkness seemed to be rising, engulfing everything that had once been my source of light. I was now in complete darkness. As far as I was concerned, I was already dead. Only difference was, I was in hell.

The only thing meaningful in my life was music. Yet again, it saved me. I had written enough songs to fill about 5 CDs, each one more depressing then the next. I knew I'd never actually be able to release any of these. A lot of them were about depression, suicide, wanting to die. The general public can't handle that. They can't accept people like me. They push us away, make us even more miserable. If they cared, if they embraced our sadness and just accepted it, maybe it would all go away. Maybe things would be okay. But people can't do that. They put down the people that are different, the people that pretty much hate life. It's no wonder more and more teens cut themselves nowadays.

Yeah, I think of suicide. Every day, almost. I'd always thought I was meant for something. That's why God had put me on this earth. I thought I actually had some sort of purpose for existing. Each day that passed, I thought that less and less. Nothing was happening. Nothing was different. It was like I was the kin of the devil, and God was trying to strike me down. He was trying to make me kill myself. And, I'd come pretty close too. My dad has a gun in his room. I thought about that almost every day. It would be so easy. I could just hold it up to my head, pull the trigger. Then, it'd all be over. So easy. So, so easy...

I was too gutless to do it though. I'd never be able to pull that trigger. No matter how badly I wanted it all to end, it would go on. It would go on until I was too weary to breathe. That moment seemed to be getting closer by the day.

Now though, I don't think I even needed that gun. I think I was dying slowly by the days. Each day I seemed to be getting weaker. It could've been the lack of food I was getting. I rarely ate anymore, maybe once a day. Twice, if I was lucky. It all depended if my dad was home or not. Sometimes he'd go to the bar, or he'd go out to buy more beer. Yeah, that's basically all he did. He smoked too sometimes, but that's it. Oh yeah, and beat the shit out of me, verbally abuse my mother and me. That was his life. Great, right?

Why did God put people like him on this earth? Did he PURPOSELY make them like this, or did they go against his will? God gave us free will, so we could choose what we do and how we live our lives. But, doesn't he still have some control over us? Can't he rid these people of their evil ways, and fill them with kindness and compassion? I tried imagining my dad like that: nice. I tried with all my might. I couldn't do it though. Every memory I had with him was dark, cold. I couldn't think of one good time I'd had with him. There was just pain and agony.

All I could think about now was that gun. That .45 ACP pistol he kept in his nightstand in case he ever needed it. Did I need it? Could I actually do it? I wanted to die. I couldn't hold on anymore. There was no way out from this suffering, except...death. Was this destined to be my way to go? I felt myself getting up, walking quietly, slowly, towards my dad's room. I slid across the floor in my slippers, not daring to lift my feet. One wrong step and I might be heard. One wrong move and I'd be beaten again.

I silently entered my dad's room, opening the door just enough to slip in. I crossed the room and went around the king-sized bed, walking up to the ebony nightstand. I felt as if I was in a dream as I slid open the top drawer. I removed the various pieces of paper that lay in there, searching for the gun. I finally found it wedged between the bible and the side of the drawer. Yeah, great place to put a gun, dad. It didn't matter though. I had the gun. I couldn't help but stare at the bible though. Was this really what God wanted? I picked up the bible and rested it on my lap, running my fingers over its binding. It was falling apart. Just like my life.

I set the bible on the ground next to me and kneeled down, resting my elbows on the edge of the bed. I examined the gun with my fingers, running them over every inch of it. I stared down the barrel of it. So empty. So dark. It was as if this was meant to be.

I put my finger on the trigger and closed my eyes for a few seconds. I took a few long, deep breaths. I opened them, and saw a large figure's shadow over me. I was knocked forcefully across the room. The gun flew out of my hand as I slammed against the wall. My dad bent down and picked up the gun, twirling it on his fingers. "So...you want to shoot yourself. You want to die, huh?" Tears were burning in my eyes. "You want to be shot...YOU WANT TO BE SHOT?!" He was angry. He had that look in his eyes. That look of fury mixed with rage and insanity. He pointed the gun straight at me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

At that moment, something snapped in my head. He was going to kill me. He was actually going to kill me. After all of these years of lashings and beatings, he was now going to end my life. Moments before I had been ready to end my own life. But now, that was the last thing on my mind. I had to get out of there!

With all the strength I had left in my body, I sprung to my feet and flung myself towards my dad. I collided with him, and he fell backwards onto the floor, the gun flying out of his hand and skidding across the floor. I knew I only had seconds to escape. I jumped up and ran out of the room as fast as my legs would let me go. I was moving pretty fast, which was surprising, because I could barely move before from the intense pain. But now, I could barely feel the pain. Now I had all of my body focused on getting the hell out of there.

As I ran down the stairs, I glanced up at the doorway of my dad's room. I saw my dad appearing, the gun now in his hand. He pointed the gun at me and fired. I screamed and covered my head as I reached the bottom of the stairs. The bullet hit the wall, almost grazing my head as it went by. If I had been a few inches taller, I probably would've been dead. Thank God for being short.

I heard the gun being fired again. This time, I didn't even know where it went. I ran to the front door and grabbed the front handle. I turned it, only to find it was locked. Shit. The seconds were ticking away. I quickly unlocked the door, and threw it open. I slid out it and slammed it behind me. I heard the gun being fired one more time, the bullet probably hitting the spot I had been standing only moments before.

I jumped off the porch and sprinted as fast as I could away from that dreadful place. Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't see a thing. It was all a blur. I heard car horns blaring and tires screeching. I must be in the road. Somehow, I found my way to a sidewalk. I kept running. My chest heaved up and down. I could barely breathe. But it didn't matter. I had to get as far away from that place as possible.

After about 10 minutes of flat out sprinting, I collapsed to the ground. I couldn't breathe. My lungs felt like they were on fire. The rest of me didn't feel much better. My legs felt like jell-o. It felt as if they would fall off any minute.

Breathing heavily, I tried my hardest to calm myself. It wasn't working though. I started sobbing. My own father had just tried to kill me. After all the pain and suffering he'd put me through, he now actually tried to end my life. I was nothing to him. Nothing at all. He never did care about me one bit. I'd always thought he had a heart. I thought that one little fragment of his heart belonged to me. That, even though he constantly caused me agonizing pain, there was always something behind it. Always a love for his daughter masked by anger and brutality. He could've given me up for adoption, or even before that, had me aborted. But no, he chose to keep me. And, because of that smidge of warm-heartedness, I thought he loved me. Or, at least cared enough to keep me around.

Did I really mean that little to him though? I guess so. I was just a nuisance, a burden on society. No one cared. No one cared to notice what I was going through, to question the bruises that were always on my body. I guess that was sort of my fault though. I'd always just make up some crazy lie, like I 'fell' down the stairs. While really, I was pushed.

So now, I was alone. Alone in this world, to fend for myself. I stood up, pain shooting through my entire body. I tried to ignore it. I had to keep moving. I wiped my tears away with my hoodie's sleeve and kept walking.

As I walked down the side of the road, I began to notice something. Something seemed familiar about this route. All of a sudden, it hit me. This was the direction to the apartment Adam was staying at while recording his album. I must've remembered this route subconsciously as I was running. Deep down, I wanted to be with Adam. Heck, I wanted to with every fiber in my being, even if he didn't want to be with me. I missed him so much. And now, I was heading in the direction to that place. The question was...would Adam take me in?

Adam and I hadn't spoken in weeks. Did he still care? Would he take me back? Would he let me stay with him? It didn't even really matter at this point. I didn't have very high expectations. My life had been spiraling downhill for quite some time. So, at this point it probably wasn't going to get any better. I'd just keep walking. I could try. The worst he could say was no. No, that wasn't true. That expression wasn't true. There were plenty or worse things he could say. He could say he hated me. He could say he never wanted to see me again. That was MUCH worse than no. But, I was still going to try. There was no point in going back. I COULDN'T go back. Not now, not ever. This was my new life. I'd have to embrace it. If not, I'd be better off dead.

I kept walking, my mind flooded with fear and paranoia. What if this didn't work out? What if Adam kicked me to the curb? Where would I go? What would I do? And, what about my dad? Would he come looking for me? And the big question: what would he go when he found me? Was my life really worth going through all of this?

All of these questions flooded my mind, and more. It kept me preoccupied though as I walked, taking away the thought of the pain I was feeling. My body was a wreck. Along with the numerous bruises on my arms and legs, I had a large bump on my head from when my dad pretty much threw me into the wall. My eyes were all red and puffy from crying, and my mascara streamed down my face. Plus, there were also my feet. I was only wearing slippers when I escaped, and the soles of them weren't very thick. After the hours of walking I had endured so far, the bottoms of them were pretty much worn in. My feet were probably pretty cut up and bloody from walking along the side of the road. I could feel the loose pieces of gravel digging into the bottoms of my feet. Finally, I moved away from the road and walked on the grass. That wasn't too much better though, with the sticks and stones scattered all over the ground.

After spending practically the whole day walking, I finally made it to the hotel Adam was staying at. The sun had already set, and stars were starting to appear in the sky. I was sore beyond belief. The soles of my slippers were completely gone. I had gotten rid of them about a mile back. You could see the bloody trail of my footprints along the path I had taken. And my legs? Well, I struggled with each step. Each stride I took caused me more pain. The tears in my eyes were I think permanent now. I don't think they'd ever go away. I just kept crying. I thought I would've run out of tears many hours ago. But nope. I now finally understood the lyrics to that song Adam covered on Idol, Tracks of my Tears. Because, that was probably me now.

I walked up to the door of the room Adam was staying in. I'm surprised I was able to remember what room, considering what an emotional wreck I was at that moment. I knocked on the door and waited a few seconds. There was no answer. I knocked again, louder this time. Still nothing. No, please no. Was he gone already? He couldn't be. He just couldn't. I collapsed to the ground and sobbed. I was too late.

Suddenly, the door opened. "Allison?!" I head Adam's voice say. I couldn't even look at him. I just leaned forward and sobbed. When I finally managed to look up, I saw Adam's concerned face looking at me. He was right there on the ground with me. I couldn't look at him any longer. I buried my face in my hands and let the crying take me over. Adam stood up, and wrapped his arms around me. He lifted me up and carried me into his room, not saying a word. I just kept crying. He laid me onto the bed gently, then went around to the other side of it and climbed in next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I buried my head into his chest and cried like I had never cried before. I sobbed uncontrollably, heaving and shaking. Adam just held me tighter.

Finally after about an hour of sobbing, I somehow managed to calm myself. My breath was still shaky though.

"Shhh, it's okay baby..." Adam whispered into my ear. "Just go to sleep. Everything will be okay."

By listening to the soothing melody of his voice, I almost believed him. That maybe, just maybe...everything WOULD be right. But, I knew better. The world was a cold, cold place. And no matter what, everything would NEVER be completely okay. But, at least it was for now. I snuggled closer to Adam, and finally drifted off into a much-needed sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: **

I woke up sometime later to the sound of banging on the door. I groggily opened my eyes and got out of the bed, carefully as to not wake Adam. Before I could reach the handle, the door flung open. There stood an enraged figure with a menacing smile. He found me. No. How could he have found me?!

"I knew you'd be here you ungrateful bitch!" I started backing up, but tripped over the leg of a chair. I crawled backwards as fast as I could and tried to get up. But, my dad just walked right past me and over to the bed where Adam lay. "I got you now, Allison. I know your weakness..." He pulled a gun out of his pocket.

"No dad, please no. God, please no!!!!" I begged. Tears were streaming down my face.

"Too late for the tears, princess!" he said with a sneer, and pulled the trigger.

* * *

I jolted awake. Sweat was pouring down my face. It was just a dream. Just a dream...

Even so, I couldn't help it. I burst into tears. My sudden outburst must've woken Adam, because he sat up and hugged me tightly. "Don't cry, baby girl. I'm here for you. Don't worry. I got you..."

I again sobbed into his chest. His shirt was pretty much soaked at this point, but Adam didn't seem to mind one bit. He held me tightly, rocking back and forth to soothe me. The dream had been vivid. It had seemed so...real. Just the thought of that actually happening, the thought of Adam...God, I couldn't even think about it. It hurt too much.

After a few minutes, I finally calmed down. "You okay Allie?" Adam asked worriedly.

"I...I don't know..." I said, my voice cracking. My throat was dry as hell. "Be right back, I'm gonna get some water..." I threw my feet over the side of the bed. The second I put my full weight on them, I cried out in pain. Adam quickly grabbed me and sat me back down on the bed.

"Uh, I better get that for you." He got up and walked over to the kitchen sink, grabbing a cup from the cupboard over it and filling it to the top. He even went to the little freezer and put some ice in it. He came back a minute later. "Here, that should help," he said, handing the glass to me. We exchanged smiles as I took a sip. The cool liquid felt good on my dry, scratchy throat.

"Now, we should probably bandage up those feet of yours," he said, once I finished the water. Before I could say a word, he picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. He sat me down on the sink. "Wow, Allie. Either I've gotten stronger, which I doubt it, or you've lost a LOT of weight!" He looked at me again with those worried eyes. I looked down and away from him. There's no way I could meet those eyes. I feared if I did, he'd somehow see right through my countless lies and excuses. He had the kind of eyes that if you saw them, you'd swear they could see right through your soul.

Adam placed a towel in the sink for a minute, running the water over it. After it was damp enough, he rung it out and started washing my feet. I bit my lip and held my breath, closing my eyes tightly at the pain. The once white towel became covered in dirt and blood almost instantly. I opened my eyes for a second, and after watching Adam wash my feet more, I started laughing.

Adam gave me a strange look.

"You wouldn't get it, Jew boy," I said smirking.

"Oh, is that so?" Adam said cheekily. I just laughed. In ways, this was exactly like that moment in the bible where Jesus washed his disciples' feet. Because as Jesus was savior to them (and all), Adam was MY savior. Yeah, I'm pretty lame for actually making that connection, but it didn't matter at this point in time.

After my feet were mostly clean, Adam took out a first aid kit from the cabinet under the sink and took out some gauze wrap. He started wrapping it around each individual foot. I winced in pain.

"So, did you...did you walk all the way here from your house?" Adam asked, looking up at me while still wrapping my feet. I just nodded. Adam stared at me in disbelief. "Allie, that's like, almost 15 miles! That's crazy!"

I again looked away from him. I wanted to tell him everything. Of how I was forced to flee. Of how my dad had tried to kill me. But, I knew I couldn't. It wasn't time. I wasn't ready. "I...I just didn't have a choice."

Again, Adam stared at me in disbelief. "Wow. Whatever happened with you and your parents must've been huge! Wanna tell me what happened?"

I kept my eyes focused on the ground. "It's...a long story."

"We've got all night."

I was about to tell him. It was on the tip of my tongue. But, I quickly chased that thought away. It would only cause more issues in the future. "I'm sorry Adam. I...I just can't."

"It's okay sweetie. I'm here though, just remember that. Whenever you're ready to talk about it, just tell me." I nodded, still avoiding his eyes.

"Okay, well let's get the rest of you cleaned up, because sweetie, you look like a wreck."

I laughed. "Yeah, I bet I do." It felt so good to laugh. Only Adam could make me laugh in situations as dark and desolate as this.

Adam grabbed a new towel and wet it, then started scrubbing my face. When he removed the towel, I made a face. He just laughed. "Okay, now let's check out your arms now..." My eyes widened as he put a hand on the bottom of my hoodie's sleeve, about to slide it up my arm. I quickly yanked it back. He tilted his head to the side and shot me a confused took.

"I'm fine now, Adam. I'll take a shower in the morning or something..." I said, looking down at the tiled flooring. Adam gave me a knowing look. He knew I was hiding something. I could tell he wanted to find out more. But, thankfully he left it alone. Well, mostly.

"I'm really worried about you Allie, you know?" he said, resting a hand gently on my arm. I quickly yanked it away. Adam sighed. "I know there's stuff you're not telling me, and I really wish you would. I'm not going to judge you, trust me. I'm not the kind of person to make any accusations or jump to conclusions. What is REALLY going on with you though?" He paused, seeing if I would say something. I remained silent. "Allie, you walked almost 15 frickin miles, you show up at my doorstep sobbing and all dirty and bloody. That's not normal! Will you PLEASE just let me in? I want to know. What's happening with you?"

"I...I just can't tell you, okay?" I said in almost a whisper.

Adam sighed. "Okay, fine. Whatever Allie." I could tell he was mad at me. I felt tears forming in my eyes, but I bravely held them back.

"Let's just go back to bed now..." Adam finally said after about a minute of silence. I nodded, and he picked me up again. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Oh yeah, and another thing, you're as light as a feather. You've lost a LOT of weight."

"Just leave it alone, Adam. Please?" I begged.

He shook his head and sighed, then lay me down on the bed again. I released my grip of him. He climbed back into the bed and put a blanket over us. I snuggled up close to him. He put an arm around me and turned off the light. "I hope you can tell me what's going on, Allie. Just think about it, okay?"

I didn't respond. I didn't dare. It hurt too much to not tell him the truth. I longed to, but I knew I probably never could. I nestled into Adam and drifted back to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

I awoke the next morning around 6. I had probably only gotten a few hours of sleep. It didn't matter though. That was more then I had been getting lately. But God, did I smell! I slipped out of Adam's grasp and got out of the bed. The second my feet hit the floor I almost screamed. Pain shot up through my body. It was as if it ran through my veins.

Trying to remain quiet, I made my way to the bathroom. I shut the door, and let out an agonizing moan. I was sore all over. I slowly removed my clothes and the bandages Adam had wrapped around my feet, then stepped into the shower. The second the warm water hit my aching body felt like I was being touched by an angel. I sighed with relief. It at least made the pain a little less noticeable.

Suddenly, my knees began to buckle. I was too weak to even support myself. I quickly braced myself against the wall so I wouldn't fall. After a few minutes, I regained my strength, or at least enough strength to hold myself up.

Wow, what had my life become? I ran my soapy hands through my hair. Was my life really THIS pathetic where I could barely stand? This much pain and suffering was NOT supposed to happen to one human being. I had dealt with about enough problems and hardships as 10 people. And, they kept getting worse. More things just kept happening. I still wondered when they'd stop. Or, IF they'd stop. They might not. They might just keep getting worse. Adam could dump me, and leave me out on the streets to fend for myself. Then, my dad could find me. Or even worse, find Adam. I'd rather him find me though. Adam shouldn't have to deal with that. He already has to deal with me. He says it doesn't bother him. But, I see otherwise. I constantly need him. I constantly need his comfort and care, and he's always there. He does so much for me. But, what do I do for him? Not much, really. He devotes so much energy in taking care of me. And I don't do much in return. Actually, I can't think of anything I do in return. I'm just...there.

I climbed out of the shower and dried myself off. As I was doing that, I happened to catch myself in the mirror. My face was hollow and my eyes were sunken in. Wow, Adam was right. I had lost a lot of weight. I had always had some sort of a stomach. Not a really big one I guess, but...I was I guess a little chubby. But now, that was all gone. And my arms and legs? Those were basically twigs now. I'd always had sort of...muscular arms. That was gone though. And, I had no idea how my legs were even able to hold me up; much lass carry me 15 miles.

Along with that, almost my entire body was covered with cuts and bruises. I had so many scars on my body you'd think I was emo. My arms and legs had bumps and bruises all over them. My back was even worse though. I had this one large cut that spanned from a little below my shoulder to almost my waistline. I had a bunch of smaller cuts as well. There were also the bruises, which were almost too numerous to count. I looked as if I had just tumbled off a cliff onto some stalagmites. It pretty much felt like that.

All of a sudden, the door swung open. I screamed. A tired, groggy Adam stood there, practically oblivious to my presence until my loud shriek. His head shot up. I quickly turned my back to him and crossed my legs, and also crossed my arms over my chest.

Adam quickly covered his eyes. "Crap Allie, I'm REALLY sorry! I...hey wait..." Adam peeked through his fingers. "What happened to you?"

My eyes widened when I realized what he was staring at. My back. Well, actually pretty much all of me. Oh God. God, please no.

Adam dropped his hand, and his eyes widened in shock. "Allie...what happened?"

"Adam, I'm NAKED! Get the hell out of here!"

Adam remained in the doorway, staring wide-eyed at my back. He took a step closer. "Allie, this looks serious. What..."

"Adam!" I shrieked.

"But Allison..." he took another step towards me.

"ADAM!" I screamed, pointing towards the door. Adam looked as if he was about to say something, but just turned and walked out of the bathroom. I ran up to the bathroom door and slammed it shut. Tears were streaming down my face. I turned and leaned my back against the wall, letting my head droop back. Adam saw me. He saw me naked. But worst of all, he'd seen what I'd been hiding from him for so long. He saw the real me. Now, what I had been protecting was out in the open. I looked down and covered my face, hiding away the shame and humiliation that was evident in my withering form.

I collapsed to the ground and proceeded to sob. All that I had worked to keep from Adam, all I had hidden with smiles and laughs, it had been comprehended. It was all revealed within those few seconds. My life was over. All I could do now was cry. And cry. And cry...


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

After about 20 minutes of crying, I knew I had to come out of the bathroom. Adam would be expecting me. I forced myself up and grabbed my clothes. I slowly put them on, dreading the moment I'd have to step out of here.

After I got my clothes on, I walked up to the door and opened it a crack. I peered through. Adam didn't seem to notice me there. He was pacing back and forth nervously, running his fingers through his hair from time to time. I had to face him though. I opened the door a little bit more. Better now than never, right? No, I'd much rather have it be never...

Before I could make up my mind on what to do, Adam spotted me. He stopped pacing and just stood there, waiting. I sighed and stepped out in full view of him. I looked down at the ground. Out of nervous habit, I crossed my arms loosely and pulled my hoodie down securely over my hands.

"Allison..." Adam said quietly. "We have to talk."

Damn, I knew this was coming. "There's nothing to...to talk about..." I said, staring down at my feet.

Adam took a step towards me. "Don't give me that. Come on Allie, you can't deny it anymore. I saw you. Now tell me...what happened?"

"What are you talking about?" I said innocently. Adam took a breath in, obviously annoyed by my persistent denial. "You know damn well what I'm talking about. What the hell happened to you? You're covered in cuts and bruises. Now, I'll ask again...WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Oh, you know...clumsy me. Me and stairs don't go too well together, I guess you could say..." I forced a laugh. "Especially when I'm wearing high heels." I glanced up at Adam for a second to see if he bought my lie. By the look on his face, it was an obvious no.

"You REALLY expect me to believe that? I'm not stupid. There's NO way a flight of stairs could cause what I just saw."

I was silent.

Adam took a step towards me, and grabbed both of my shoulders. "Allison, you've GOT to tell me, this is serious!"

I pulled away from his grasp. "You know Adam, why can't you just leave well enough alone? It's MY business, stop trying to stick your nose into it!"

"God damn it, Allison! This is serious! Now tell me!" he tried to grab me again, but I jumped back. He raised his arms angrily in the air, causing me to flinch. I took a step back fearfully. Adam must've noticed my reaction, because he dropped his arms. He walked briskly up to me and again grabbed my shoulders. "Allison, did someone do this to you? Did someone hit you?!"

I looked down at the ground and refused to answer.

"Allison, look at me..." He gripped my shoulders slightly tighter. "LOOK AT ME!"

I slowly looked up. The second I did, I regretted it. That angry, determined look glistened in his deep blue eyes. I know I wasn't going to be able to move until I answered. I couldn't do it though. I just couldn't. I dropped my head. As soon as I did, Adam his hand off my one shoulder and put it under my chin, tilting my head up.

"Allie, please..." Adam said quietly. "Talk to me."

The tears started to fall. Adam took the hand that was on my other shoulder and wiped them away with his finger. I could've bolted right then and there, but I chose not to. I couldn't do that to Adam. I couldn't leave him. I had no where else to go.

My lip started quivering. "Y...yes, Adam. Someone...someone hit me..." It felt so good releasing that bit of information I'd had bottled up so long. As if a large weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Adam wouldn't have just that though. He of course wanted more.

"Who though?"

I didn't respond. How could I? How could I tell him that my father, the one person in this world who was supposed to love me unconditionally, was the person causing me the most pain? I couldn't do it.

"Adam, I...I can't tell you."

"Allison, PLEASE! This is serious! Was this some guy?"

What should I say? Should I tell him it was my dad? Or, should I just tell him it was an ex-boyfriend? Maybe I should just tell him the truth. I've been lying to him for so long. It was time for him to hear the truth. He'd always been honest with me. Now, I have to be honest with him.

"Yeah, it was some guy. But..."

Before I could finish, Adam engulfed me in a hug. "I'm so sorry, baby girl. Guys can be jackasses sometimes. Many just don't realize what gems they have in front of them, and they do stupid things like this. It sickens me. I'd never in a million years lay a finger on you, though. I swear to you. And the second this guy gets within 100 feet of you, he's as good as dead. Okay sweetie?" he kissed my forehead.

I sighed. Maybe it was better that he didn't know. I mean, it's not like I'm lying to him anymore. I told him someone was beating me. He just assumed it was some random guy. He'd never think in a million years that it was my dad. I kind of wish he would. He was such an intelligent person. You'd think that just for a second, after seeing the emotional turmoil they put me through, he'd at least have an idea. He'd think that possibly, maybe, it could be my dad that did this to me. After he saw me, that's exactly what I thought he'd think. But sometimes, people don't see what's right in front of them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

"Now Allie, baby?" he said. I looked up at him. "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you should consider having a doctor check you out. Your body's a wreck. The guy that did this could've caused internal injuries. And, I wanna make sure you're okay."

"Adam, I can't do that! Even you should be able to see that. Let's say I go to the doctors: they're going to wanna know how this all happened. They're going to start asking questions. And, I can't lie to them. Even you didn't buy the whole 'stair' thing. They're doctors! They'll know better. Then, the police will get involved, and...just...I can't go through with all of that, okay?"

Adam nodded. "Okay, fine. I understand. Then, will you let me at least get a better look? I know that will be sort of awkward for you; I just wanna make sure you're okay. Please?" he begged, his eyes pleading for my approval.

I was kind of apprehensive about this. I'd never shown anyone that much of my body before, much less my bruises. Plus, Adam was my best friend. I felt feelings beyond that, too. That would just make things awkward between us. But, he was gay. Or, so he said. There were times where it didn't seem like it. But what did I know? I was just a 17 year old girl, physically abused most of her life, emotionally trapped inside a bruised and scarred body. I didn't know anything.

"I...I guess. I'm not stripping down completely naked though. I don't feel comfortable doing that," I said, looking down.

"Don't worry, I understand completely. It takes enough courage alone just to show me." He gave me a tight squeeze. "Now, go on baby girl. I'm not going to judge you, don't worry."

"Well...okay..." I let go of him and walked into the bathroom. Even though Adam and I were close, I just didn't feel comfortable stripping down right in front of him.

As soon as I was down to my bra and underwear, I walked up to the door and opened it a crack. I stood there for a minute with it like that, afraid to step out.

"Come on, Allie. I'm gay, remember? There's nothing to worry about." I could just imagine the cheeky grin on his face as he said that. I took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom, staring down at the ground the whole time. I couldn't force myself to look up into Adam's watchful eyes. I crossed my arms over my stomach and stood there awkwardly. I heard footsteps approaching. I glanced up for a second, and my eyes met his.

"Calm down Allison, okay? I'm not going to judge you. We're best friends, and nothing's EVER going to change that. Now, come here. I want to make sure you're okay..."

I walked slowly over to Adam, my aching feet sliding across the floor. I dropped my hands to my side. "There. You see?" I said quietly. He looked me up and down. A hand went to his mouth, and he gasped. Tears seemed to be forming in his eyes.

"God, I'm such an idiot. How could I have not seen this happening? The pants and long sleeves in the winter, the constant lies and excuses...why couldn't I have figured this out? Right in front of me you were suffering, and I didn't even realize it. I'm so selfish. I'm a horrible friend. I'm sorry, Allie." He went up to me and hugged me tightly.

"Adam, please. Don't blame yourself. You've been the BEST friend; you've helped me through so much. You didn't know what was happening. How were you supposed to know it was happening? I hid it from you Adam, and from the world. You were the only one who actually realized something was there. YOU were the one that reached out to me. You never left my side. You were the only person on this God forsaken planet that could actually make me smile, and for just a minute, forget about all of my troubles. Without you in my life Adam, I probably would've killed myself by now. So, don't ever, EVER think this is your fault."

Adam's mouth dropped open. "Oh my God, Allie. I didn't know it was that bad for you. If you want, you can stay in this apartment. After I leave, I..."

"Wait, what do you mean 'after you leave?'" I interrupted.

Adam scratched the back of his head. "Uh well...tomorrow afternoon I'll be leaving. I've finished recording the album, so there's no point in me staying here. I'll go back to my apartment and pick up a few more things, and then I'm going on a promotional tour. I'd offer you to stay at my regular apartment, but it's probably too far away from your house. That doesn't mean I want you walking back and forth between the places. We don't want you going through that again, okay baby girl?"

I didn't know what to say to that. It was an incredibly generous offer, him offering to basically pay for an apartment. The only problem was...my dad. He'd come looking for me, I knew he would. And, he'd check cheap apartments like this first. I couldn't let him find me. So, what was I supposed to say to Adam? I longed to be with him. But, would he...no, he probably wouldn't. I quickly dismissed that thought from my mind. But, it came drifting back in a few seconds later. The only thing was, more lies. Or, not telling the complete truth.

"Um, Adam...I really appreciate your offer and all; really, I do. It's just...I don't think I can do it. It's too close. He'd...he'd find me. I know him. He'd search through every single apartment complex within a hundred mile radius until he located me. I'd never be safe." I bit my lip and looked up at him, silently praying for that one offer I ever so wanted to come along.

Adam sighed and rubbed his temples. "God Allie, you're killing me." He paused for a second, thinking. "I'm going to protect you no matter what, Allie. I'm not going to let this bastard lay a finger on you. So...I guess you could always come with me on like, the tour thing. You'd be bored out of your frickin mind, but at least you'd be safe."

I took a breath in to hold in my excitement. Spending day and night with Adam as we traveled across the country, watching him perform on talk shows and do radio interviews; that may seem boring to people, as Adam had suggested it would be for me. But really, it was the exact opposite. It was a dream come true.

"Uh...yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool." I bit my lip to keep from screaming to the world that I was going on a promo tour with Adam Lambert.

"You should probably call your parents or something though. I mean, they're probably wondering where you are. Plus, I don't really feel comfortable taking you away from your parents without so much as a word. You should probably ask their permission if you could go with me or not. Wanna borrow my phone?"

Damn, I should've known something like this was coming. Here comes another string of lies.

"Um...okay. Yeah, sure." He handed me his cell. "I'll be right back." I quickly scurried into the bathroom. I hated this so much; having to make up things to hide the whole truth. It was burning a hole through my already weak heart.

I pressed the talk button 7 times, just in case Adam was listening in. That way, it sounded like I was dialing a phone number. I waited about 30 seconds, then started talking, trying to make it convincing enough so it would sound like an actual phone conversation.

"Oh, hi mom..." I paused for a few seconds. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm with Adam now. And, I was wondering...you think it'd be okay if I went on a little promo tour with Adam?" I paused for about a minute after that, mumbling a "yes" or an "okay" every once and a while. I waited a few more seconds before I said anything.

"That's great!" I said cheerfully. "Thanks SO much, mom! I...I love you." I gulped after saying that. Even though this was just a fake conversation with basically myself, it still pained me to say that. No matter what happened, no matter the care and compassion Adam was sure to give, I don't think I'd ever be able to say 'I Love You' to an actual human being. My heart was already wounded. Saying 'I Love You,' and then having my heart repeatedly stepped on...well, that would just kill me. I was barely together now. If I were to express any sort of love, I think my heart would break.

I loved Adam though. With all of my heart. That's what worried me. He was all I had left. He was my entire life now. My heart and soul. Without him in my life, like I told him, I'd probably be dead right now. So, I couldn't afford to express my feelings to him, or show anything that wasn't strictly 'friendship based.' Then what we had would be over. I would be over.

I stepped out of the bathroom and plastered a smile on my face. "I can go with you!"

"That's great, Allie baby." He went up to me and gave me a hug. I could tell he was sort of wary about this whole thing. I was too. My dad knew how close me and Adam were. Would he think to find me there with him? I prayed not. As long as I stayed away from the public eye, I should be fine. Well, hopefully. At least I was safe now in Adam's arms. I always would be. He was my savior; my guardian angel. And, I'd never think of him as anything less.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

I was going on a promo tour with Adam Lambert. Wow. I still couldn't get my brain to comprehend that as I helped Adam pack his things. Had my luck finally turned around? Were things finally going to be good for me? Ha, yeah right.

"Hey Allie, shouldn't we stop by your house so we can get some of your things?" Adam asked as he folded a pair of jeans, carefully placing them in the suitcase. Oh great, I'm have to come up with ANOTHER lie. I scanned my brain for some sort of idea.

"I can't. Because...because that guy is a family friend, and...and he's staying in the house. I can't go back there Adam, please." I glanced up at him, seeing if he bought my lie. Apparently he did. He went up and hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Allie. That's horrible. No human being should have to go through this, especially someone as sweet and caring as you." Oh God Adam, thanks for making me feel even crummier. He'd been saying things similar to this over the past hour as I helped him pack. It was killing me, as it did every time he'd wrap his arms around my body. I was a liar. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve him.

Adam let go of me, and we went back to packing. "Hey, you want to bring this shirt?" I asked, holding up a black shirt with what I assumed to be a band on the front of it. The picture was too faded to tell.

"It's kind of small on me. You can have it if you want though. You're going to need something to wear besides what you're already in. I can probably find a few more shirts for you, but none of my pants will fit you most likely. So, we're probably going to have to go shopping."

We both looked at each other simultaneously and started laughing. "Yeah, we just can't go to that same mall as before," I said after the laughter faded out.

"Yeah. Good thing there's other malls in the area. We just gotta make sure we don't get chased out of this one."

I laughed. Maybe things actually WERE turning around.

We spent the rest of the day at the mall, previous events that day completely forgotten. That was one thing I loved about Adam. You could tell him anything, and no matter what, it wouldn't affect your relationship with him. That's why I felt guilty about not telling him about my dad. I knew he'd understand. I knew he would help me. I just...couldn't bring myself to do it. Things were going so good with us. I didn't want to ruin the moment by bringing that whole topic up. Plus, Adam would be mad that I didn't tell him. It's not like I didn't try though. That was my original intention, to tell him. It just didn't work out that way. I guess the universe didn't want him to know.

We stayed at the mall until it was closing time, coming out with bags and bags of various clothing items. Adam was beat. "Geez Allie! And I thought I liked to shop!"

I laughed. "Well, sorry! I'm a girl; it's part of our genetic make-up."

"Yeah. WOW. I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out of there though, like the last one."

"I know, right? Did you see all of the dirty looks we were getting? I'm almost positive we would have if we hadn't bought so much stuff."

It was true. Adam and I were just as obnoxious as ever. We sung along loudly and probably way out of tune to songs we both knew when they played inside the stores, raced up the down escalator and down the up escalator, hid behind clothing racks and popped out when people tried to take things from it, pretended to be mannequins and made faces as people walked by, and much, much more. Overall it was a pretty awesome day. Well, besides the morning. But still, it was probably the best day I'd had in ages. Thank God I had someone like Adam.

When we got back to the apartment, I helped Adam finish packing the last of his things. There wasn't too much more to pack though. Most of his things were at his house. We were going to stop there tomorrow morning and pack the last of his things. Then, off on the tour!

I still couldn't believe this was happening. I was so excited! And yet...so nervous. What if paparazzi happened to catch me and Adam together? Then pictures would surface on the internet, maybe even on the TV. Then, I was as good as dead. I'd have to be very careful. I probably couldn't be anywhere near Adam anymore outside or in public anymore. He was too famous. And whenever I was outside, I'd have to somehow disguise myself. My hair was a dead giveaway. I'd probably have to wear a hat or hooded jacket or something.

"We should probably get some sleep now," Adam suggested. "We have to get up early tomorrow. I nodded, stifling a yawn. I climbed into the bed after him, immediately cuddling up against his warm body. He gave a small smile. I reached over to the nearby lamp and turned it off. I lay there next to Adam for what seemed like hours. It may have been, actually. I had no way of knowing. I listened to Adam's slow, steady breathing, his chest moving up and down. I wish I could do the same. But of course, my head was clouded with millions of thoughts, making it almost impossible to drift off to sleep. Would I actually be able to get away with this? Would I be able to escape the clutches of my dad? Damn, my life sounds like a frickin soap opera. I wish the bad things would just go away. I wish I could just live a normal life like everybody else. Instead, I was hiding from my abusive father who tried to kill me with my gay 27-year old best friend whom I secretly liked. And to top it all off, I was lying about it the whole time. Isn't life GREAT?


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

I awoke to someone lightly shaking my shoulder. I forced my eyes to open and yawned, smiling immediately when I saw Adam hovering over me. "Time to wake up, beautiful. We have to get going."

I blushed as he rolled over so I could get out of bed. Having nothing at all to bring with me except my new clothes Adam had bought me and my iPod that still sat securely in my hoodie pocket; I helped Adam gather all of his belongings together. It wasn't too time consuming, considering we had packed mostly everything the night before. We grabbed all of the bags and other items, and checked out of the hotel. My mouth dropped open when I saw he large tour bus in the parking lot, parts glistening in the sun.

"Wow..." I exclaimed. "You're getting this nice of a tour bus for a promo tour?!"

Adam shrugged. "Well, I had to get something at least halfway decent. You're going to be with me and all, so...yeah..."

This was all because of me. Oh my God. I don't think I could ever find a person more kind and considerate and thoughtful than Adam. He was perfect in every way. And to think he was doing all of this for ME. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve him one bit. But, I had him. He stuck with me through everything. Any normal person would've just left me. They'd just call me a burden, and toss me on the side of the road. But, not Adam. I couldn't even fathom what would possibly make him go through this much trouble. All for me.

"Okay, let's not waste time standing here, staring at the bus," Adam said, interrupting my thoughts. "We gotta leave probably now if we wanna have time to stop at my apartment. I snapped out of my trance and followed him onto the bus. And, wow. It was even nicer inside. It was a simple, classic tour bus, but a little nicer than usual. It had the design similar to a first class hotel room; a nice tiled floor with various throw rugs in certain places and classy, yet pointless pictures hanging on the walls. It was furnished with a nice leather couch and two matching leather chairs, all surrounding a table and facing towards a 32 inch flat screen TV. There were a bunch of game systems attached to it, along with a DVD/VCR player. And, bunk beds. Damn. Not that I didn't like them – because I actually did – but that meant that I wouldn't be sleeping with Adam. I'd kind of grown accustomed to doing it now, so without him...I don't know. I just liked having is warm body next to my own. I felt safe.

"Okay, you want top or bottom bunk?" Adam asked me, interrupting my conflicting thoughts once again. God, I didn't care! I just wanted to be next to him.

"Uh...bottom I guess. I know how you like the top and all..." I said jokingly, faking a smile. Adam pushed my shoulder playfully.

"I see that interview answer is going to follow me everywhere, isn't it?" he groaned. I laughed. "Yup, it is."

A few minutes later, we were on our way. We were gonna stop by Adam's regular apartment first, and allow him to grab a few more things. He said some of his old clothes there might fit me too, so that was good. I finished unpacking what I was going to and putting my stuff away in the drawers of the dresser Adam left for me. By the time I had done that, we arrived at Adam's old place.

"Wanna come in with me? I could use your help," Adam asked. I smiled and followed him out of the bus and into the building. We took an elevator up to the 3rd floor, and walked down to the end of the corridor until we reached room 152. Adam was all smiles. I could tell he missed this place. He reached into his pocket for his keys, and after finding the right one on the key ring, he put it in the lock. He swung the door open, letting out a relieved sigh as the door swung open.

"Damn, I missed this place." He said, stepping into the room. I followed him in. Yeah, it was pretty nice. A LOT nicer than the other one. Sort of messy though, but that was expected. Adam wasn't really what you'd call a 'neat freak.' Ignoring the clothes scattered on the ground and the bags of chips and various other snacks, the place actually wasn't that bad. It was very...homey.

Adam immediately went to his dresser. He opened the 2nd drawer from the top and started sifting through various items of clothing until he found what he was looking for. I immediately smiled when I saw what it was. Ah, the memories. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

* * *

"Damn it Adam, I hate you!" I had screamed, laughing while I looked at myself in the mirror. Adam had gotten the idea to dump his ice cold lemonade all over me because I had 'complained about how hot it was.' The floor of the guys' tour bus had had a large yellow stain on the carpet, looking as if someone had decided to take a piss on the floor.

"Yeah, yeah. You know you love me!" Adam smirked. I had smiled. That was true.

"Whatever, Lambert. Just get me some dry clothes, okay?" I knew Adam wouldn't get me anything, so before he could react, I had gotten out his suitcase and started looking for things to wear.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" Adam had protested.

"What does it LOOK like I'm doing? I'm getting some clean clothes because SOMEONE had to ruin mine. I had selected a black shirt with some Broadway play design on it. It was pretty old you could tell, because the picture on it was barely visible. Also, it was on the small-ish size, at least compared to the rest of Adam's clothes.

"Careful, that's my favorite shirt!" Adam pouted. I had rolled my eyes and went into the bathroom to change. The second I stepped out, Adam had jumped out from behind the door and grabbed my waist. He picked me up and started spinning me around. I had screamed, laughing and hitting him, trying to get him to put me down. He had knocked over a chair, two lamps, and a picture frame. Finally, he set me down.

"You suck, Lambert."

"As do you, Iraheta."  
*****************************************************************************************************************************

"You can have this shirt, if you want," Adam said, throwing the shirt at my head, looking back down and going through the rest of his clothes.

"Yeah, NOW you let me have it." After I had put it on that one day, he practically ripped it off my body. Thank God I was wearing a camisole that day.

Adam made a pile on the floor next to him of various other pieces of clothing. "Some of those might fit you. And, some of those I wanna bring with me. So, wanna help me take it to the tour bus?"

"Nah, I'm good," I said, looking around his apartment. I started walking around, looking at the rest of his place. He had a lot of vintage rock-and-roll posters on his wall. And of course, a lot of mirrors. Typical Adam. He was almost obsessed with his image. I couldn't blame him though, he WAS hot. And, Adam didn't really do it in a vain way, so it wasn't bad. He was just a perfectionist.

I walked over to the other side of his apartment. Over there, there was yet another mirror. Under it was a table covered with various types of make-up, eyeliner, nail polish, and other things of that sort. I smiled. Of course. This is just how I'd pictured Adam's apartment to look. Not as if I'd actually pictured it before...

Okay, I had. Was that really THAT bad?

I walked over to Adam's bed. It was a large, king-size bed with dark blue covers and about 10 pillows on it. I plopped down on it, immediately rolling over to the other side of the bed when something caught my eye. His nightstand. Right by his lamp, there was a picture frame. And in the picture frame, there was a picture of me and Adam. It was an old picture we had taken when we were still on Idol. Well, Kris had taken it actually. Adam and I were sitting on a couch in the Idol mansion, not even paying attention to the camera. We were more focused on the conversation we were having at that moment. Adam's arm was around my shoulder, and I was cuddled up close to him. We were both laughing, each looking deeply into each others' eyes. I actually looked genuinely happy. That was rare for me. A lot of the time I had on a fake smile, or some goofy face. All to hide how I was really feeling. But, not here.

"Awww, you have a picture of us!" I teased, holding up the picture as Adam walked in to get another load of clothes. Adam blushed. Wait – Adam blushed? Strange. That was a rare occurrence with him.

"Well, yeah. It's a memory, you know. I have one of you, me, Kris, and Danny as well over there," he said, pointing across the room to a picture hanging on the wall. I walked over and looked at it, smiling as I saw. We were all sitting at a table with a red plastic tablecloth over it. Me and Adam were close, sort of leaning in towards each other.

"Wow, you still have that picture? That was from like, forever ago!"

Adam shrugged. "Yeah. Well, we should probably finish up packing and stuff. I got some interview to do in a few hours. So, let's get to it."

I helped Adam gather up some more clothes, make-up, and various other things. Then, we were on the road once again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

The next couple weeks were probably about the best in my entire life. That wasn't too hard to beat though, considering all of the crap I had dealt with on a day-to-day basis. Adam and I hung out basically 24/7, laughing and joking around like we used to. It was fantastic. There were those brief moments where we weren't together though. During interviews with various TV shows, I was forced to hide backstage in the dressing room. I had to wait about 20 minutes after Adam left the tour bus to go inside to prevent being seen, and get in 20 minutes before we left as well. I basically couldn't leave the tour bus besides that without being in full disguise. The whole thing was very draining, but it was worth it. I was safe.

I yawned and stretched, swinging my feet off the side of the couch and finally taking in my surroundings. Backstage at yet another talk show, hanging out in Adam's dressing room. I didn't even know where. It's not like it mattered. It was all the same in every place. A simple dressing room design; complete with a couch, mirror, a few chairs, some flowers in a vase atop an end table to 'lighten up the room,' and a TV in the corner of the room. Nothing special. They had left a nice basket of chocolates and various fruits though. I had already picked through it, eating anything with a smidge of chocolate, leaving the healthy stuff for Adam. Adam wouldn't mind though, he was sort of a health-conscious eater anyway. I, on the other hand, didn't care.

I started wandering around aimlessly, attempting to find some sort of thing to amuse myself until Adam finished. I took the remote conveniently placed on the end table beside me and started flipping through stations. I made it back to the beginning in moments. Geez, you'd think a place like this could pull for something better than basic cable. I sighed and threw the remote on the ground, falling backwards into the couch and moaning. Boredom began to overtake me as I let my mind wander.

I heard the door creak as it opened. I snapped back to reality and smiled once I realized Adam was back. He plopped down on the couch next to me, appearing to be physically exhausted. "God, these interviews are a pain!"

I put an arm around his neck, pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry. But at least you're not stuck here backstage bored as hell with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling." I twirled a strand of hair nonchalantly, staring up into his beautiful blue orbs.

Adam shrugged. "Yeah, that's true. I just hate doing these damn things. I mean, it's all just so boring! They ask the same questions, and then they try to tear apart your answer, attempting to make you look bad so they uncover a juicy story." Wow, thank God I didn't have to do any. If people found out what was going on with me...wow, I don't even know. My life would be ruined, pretty much. It's so screwed up now as it is.

"Oh yeah, I ran into your dad backstage a couple minutes ago." My head snapped up in Adam's direction, my breath catching in my throat. "Yeah, he was looking for you. Said he wanted to pay you a visit."

"W...what?" I stuttered, my lip quivering in fear. An icy wave overcame my entire body.

"You okay, Allie?" Adam asked, placing a hand on my forehead. "You're as pale as a ghost."

I bet I was. He found me. He actually found me. I thought I was actually safe. I thought with Adam...he wouldn't be able to find me. He must've figured it out though. How could this have happened? I'd been so careful, making sure to stay away from the public eye. How did he find me?

"Allie...Allie..." Adam said, waving his hand back and forth in front of my face. "You okay?"

No, I wasn't. I was caught. I was no longer safe. He knew where I was. And knowing him, there was not a thing I could do to stop him from taking me. Taking me away from my new life. Taking me away from Adam. Once he had me away, who knows what he'd do to me. He already tried to kill me once. What's stopping him from trying again?

"Allie! ALLISON! Snap out of it! What's up?"

My throat was dry, and my body numb. I had to get away. The only way out of this room though was through the door, which would ultimately lead to my dad. And, the truth would be uncovered. Oh God, Adam. What about him? I had to tell him now. I couldn't hide it any longer. He'd find out in a few seconds anyway.

"Adam?" I said, finally mustering up the courage to speak.

"Yeah Allie?" he said, his eyes filled with concern. He knew something was up. If only he knew the extent of it all.

"It...it wasn't a boyfriend or ex or whatever that hurt me..." I felt tears forming in my eyes. There was no more hiding it. No more secrets. It'd all be out in the open. And, I couldn't take it back. Well, it was now or never. "...it was my dad."

Adam's hand quickly went to his mouth. "Oh my God. Allison, why didn't you tell me this?!"

"Oh, there you are!" I heard a voice say eerily. I immediately recognized who it was. I turned my head towards the door, my mouth dropping open in fear. There he was. My dad.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19:**

I stood there frozen in fear, clinging to Adam's arm.

"So, I finally found you. Hiding with the gay emo guy. I should've known." I could feel Adam stiffen up. "Now come on, Allison. You're coming with me. Now get the fuck away from the fag."

"Um, excuse me, but this 'fag' doesn't appreciate the way you're talking to her. And, it is my understanding that she does not want to go with you. So, why don't you just leave before things get out of hand, okay?" Adam said, through gritted teeth. His eyes remained locked on my dad in a steady glare. Oh no, I didn't like where this was going. This was not going to end well.

"I can say whatever I damn well feel like saying to her! And, it's not her choice whether she'd like to go with me or not. She lives with ME, and legally you fucken kidnapped her! So, give her back to me, or I'll have to take legal actions."

"YOU, take legal actions?!" Adam scoffed. "Well, if you decide to do that, then I will be free to disclose the information of you physically and emotionally abusing your daughter. Now, which do you think the court will find a greater offence, huh?" He smirked with satisfaction. My mouth dropped open, as did my dad's.

"How dare you talk to me like that you little fucker!" My dad said, walking briskly into the room and making a beeline towards Adam. Adam quickly pushed me behind him and stood up. He towered over my dad be almost a foot, but my dad didn't let that intimidate him.

"What I do in my household and with my daughter is MY business!"

"Not when you're fucken hurting her!" Adam interrupted, shouting over my dad. "Now get the hell out of here before I kick your sorry ass out myself, and then have you escorted out of the building in HANDCUFFS." He had his fists out and ready. My dad glared at him, his face as red as a beet. It looked as if he was about to explode. Finally, to my surprise, he turned and stormed out of the room. I collapsed to the ground, completely overwhelmed. My head was spinning. I couldn't even comprehend what had just taken place before my eyes. I was safe. My dad was gone. I wiped my eyes and looked up at Adam hovering over me. He was breathing heavily. He looked angry too. At...me.

"Adam, listen..." I said, standing up.

"What Allison, what?!" Adam said angrily, interrupting my confession. "How the hell could you not tell me about this?! If your dad did this to you, well...it's a completely different story! I thought no more secrets! Huh, what happened to that?!"

"Adam, I tried to tell you, but..."

"No, you didn't. You didn't try anything. God, how could I have not noticed this before?! It was so obvious. Your obvious resentment to your parents, especially your dad. Your constant arguments with him. That time where he pretty much dragged you away. I'm so stupid!"

"No Adam, you're not. It's all my fault..." I said quietly. I paused, waiting for Adam to say something. He remained silent, so I continued. "I should have told you, I know. You...you just assumed it was a boyfriend or an ex or whatever. So, I just kind of let it be. I know it was stupid. I know I lied. I know it was wrong. And, I'm sorry. A simple sorry isn't even suffice or adequate. But, there's nothing else I can do. So...I'm sorry."

"Whatever Allison, just...whatever. I don't even know what I can do with you. I...I can't trust you anymore."

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. I could feel the tears started up again. That comment right there stung more than a thousand beatings from my dad. Because, this one hit my heart.

"Let's just go. I don't really wanna be here at the moment. Come on." Adam grabbed my hand roughly and led me out of the building and back to the tour bus. We drove to the nearest hotel in silence. We were staying in the area for a few days, and being on a tour bus was just too crowded and uncomfortable. We checked into the hotel, still completely quiet. Normally I didn't mind the silence. It allowed me to think and get my head together. But now, with Adam giving me the cold shoulder, it had the opposite effect on me. I felt sick to my stomach.

The second we got into the room, Adam sent out for some alcohol. He wasn't usually the drinking type, or at least around me he wasn't, so he must've been pretty stressed. It became pretty apparent that he was after five drinks.

"God, I'm so stupid...stupid!" Adam said angrily, his words slightly slurring as he paced around the apartment. "How the hell could I have not noticed this? So fucken stupid!" He pushed a nearby chair roughly over in frustration.

I went over slowly and carefully to the bed and held the covers over my face. I'd never seen Adam act like this. It was...scary. He was such an angry drunk. Like...like my dad. Tears were forming in my eyes at the thought of that. Would Adam actually stoop down to that level? Would he verbally abuse me like my dad did? Would he hit me? I couldn't even bare to think it. Adam was the only person that I trusted. The only one I actually felt safe around. Now I was almost frightened just to be near him. Finally, I forced myself to lie down and relax. I did my best to ignore Adam's loud ranting, and finally, drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Allison, Allison! Wake up!" I felt someone shaking me. I sleepily opened them and let out a yawn. Adam was hovering over me, his eyes wide and bloodshot.

I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand by the bed and groaned. "Adam, it's 4AM! Why the hell are you waking me?!"

Adam's head immediately went to his head. "God Allie, can you try and talk a little quieter?! My head's frickin killing me!"

"Your fault for drinking..." I grumbled under my breath, but obeyed and lowered my voice. "So, what's up?"

"Oh my God, oh my God..." Adam kept mumbling under his breath, running his fingers through his hair nervously and biting his lip. He looked as white as a sheet. It looked as if he could cry at any moment.

I finally sat up, eying Adam curiously. "Adam, what's wrong? You're starting to scare me."

"I'm scared myself, Allison! God, what have I gotten myself into?!" he drummed his hands nervously on his thighs.

Wow, he was really freaking out. Whatever he was so anxious about must've been pretty serious. "Come on Adam, you can tell me anything. I won't judge you. Come on. Just tell me."

"Okay, well..." Adam paused, searching for the right words. "Your dad is dead."

I sat there for a moment in shock, not fully believing what I just heard. "What?" I finally said, my mouth agape.

Adam took a deep breath. "He's dead. And...and...and...I killed him."


	20. Chapter 20

**SEASON FINALE!!!!! :D**

**Chapter 20:**

Adam broke down after saying that. He collapsed to the ground in sobs. I didn't know what to say or do. I sat there motionless on the bed, a shocked expression plastered on my face. My head was overflowing with various emotions; my skin was as cold as ice. "Adam...what happened?!"

Adam got up off the floor, wiping his face with his sleeve. He sat down on the bed beside me and grabbed a hold of my hands. He was just as cold as I was. His hands were shaking as he told me the story of what happened.

"Well...last night, some time after you fell asleep, there was a knock on the door. I went to open it, and, it was your dad. He was angry. So very angry. The second he opened the door, he punched me right in the face." After he said that, I noticed his slightly blue and black eye.

"Well, I flew backwards, and he stormed into the room. I quickly got to my feet and got in front of him so he couldn't get to you. He was so angry. Angry enough to...kill. Yes. I could see it in his eyes." Adam's eyes glistened with tears as he spoke. I gave his hand a tight squeeze, encouraging him to go on.

So, we both fought, punching and kicking and hitting each other. And, somehow we ended up in the kitchen area of this place. And, there was a steak knife hanging on the wall..." Adam gulped, taking a deep breath.

"And...and I took it off the wall." And when your dad lunged at me, I held it out, and it went straight into his chest. So much blood. So, so much blood..." Adam shivered. "But, but he died right on the spot. I'm a murder Allie, I'm a murder!" Adam started freaking out now. "If I hadn't been drinking then, if my body hadn't been filled with so much alcohol, maybe I could've thought clearly. Maybe I could've stopped this whole thing. And God, I..."

"Adam...Adam!" I interrupted, grabbing his shoulders and steadying him from his extensive shaking. He looked at me with eyes that looked as if they could pop out of his head at any moment. He seemed to relax a bit. "Where's the body?" I said quietly, in almost a whisper.

"It's in the closet..." Adam said grimly.

"Show me."

Adam's eyes widened, but he rose from the bed and obeyed. We walked slowly towards the closet, gradually approaching the place that housed my now dead father. I couldn't even begin to describe the vast diverseness and wildly crazy thoughts that occupied my head. The second Adam opened the door, I felt sick to my stomach.

My dad lay there on the ground, his shirt soaked through with blood. The bloody knife was on the ground next to the body. His eyes were closed, and his skin almost colorless. Before I could stop myself, the contents of my stomach were emptied out onto the floor. I wiped my mouth, and turned back to the body. It's funny. I saw him lying there, covered in blood, and I felt absolutely no sympathy. No grief. No sadness. I felt completely numb. And almost...happy. As if a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And that's what scared me.

This was my dad lying here before me. My own father. God, I could barely even stand calling him that. But, he was still a part of me. My own flesh and blood. He created me. And now, he was dead. But still, I felt nothing. Nothing at all.

"God Allison, what am I going to do?!" Adam cried. "I won't be able to survive prison, I just can't! I'm not tough like all of those guys. They'd walk all over me, eat me alive! And what about you?! Oh God, you've got to leave. NOW! I don't want you being blamed for any part of this. Now come on," Adam said, trying to push me towards the door. "I don't want you to be labeled as an accomplice or whatever. So just leave. You never saw ANYTHING, okay?"

"Adam, I'm not going anywhere. This is partially my fault. If I had told you about my dad, this whole situation might have been avoidable."

"Allie, I was drunk. And, I fucken KILLED him. The fault is entirely mine."

"This never would've happened though if I hadn't tagged along with you on tour. You could've just left well enough alone, and I could've gone out on my own. But, no. You took me in. you took care of me. Adam, you've done SO much for me. So, there's no way in hell I'm letting you take the fall for this."

"I don't care. All of the evidence points to me. So, I'm taking the blame. End of story."

"Oh, really?" I said, eyebrows raised. Before Adam could stop me, I ran to the closet.

"Allison, get the hell away! Stop!"

Ignoring Adam's pleading cries of anguish, I took a hold of the bloody knife. Gripping it with both hands, I plunged it deep into my dad's chest, right near the wound Adam had made. "I wish you could feel this you son of a bitch!" I said through gritted teeth.

Before I had a chance to do anything else, Adam yanked me backwards, spinning me around so I was facing him. "What the hell, Allison! God, do you know what you've just done? Now we're both going to be behind bars. And; oh no, not together. So, if that was your intention, you're awfully mistaken."

"Who said anything about going to jail?" I said in a low, monotone voice. "You only go to jail, Adam, if you get _caught_."

Adam's mouth dropped open. "Allison! How could you even..." he said, about to give me a long speech about how murder was 'illegal' and running from the law would 'just make everything worse', but he stopped. He was silent for a moment.

"See Adam, it's simple. We leave. Flee. No one has to know about this."

"How the hell could we get away with something as big as this though? I mean, how could we cover this up? We're famous! You know the hell paparazzi can stir up. We'll be top news story by tomorrow morning!"

"I'm not saying it'll be easy. We're going to have to change our appearances, make new identities. Think of all of the illegal immigrants over here from Mexico. If they can live here without anyone knowing, why can't we?" I said, surprised on how calm my voice was considering the topic we were discussing.

"Well, for one thing, I think murder is just a LITTLE worse than sneaking over the border!"

I huffed, blowing a piece of hair out of my face. "But, both are illegal, are they not?" Adam was again silent. "Trust me Adam, we can do this. It's either this, or life in prison. And if we get caught, it's still life in prison. So, why not postpone that a little? Make that lifetime in prison a little shorter. Others have done it. Heck, just look at Jack the Ripper! He killed multiple people! He was NEVER caught! And all we're trying to get away with is one little murder."

"You're making this sound like it's no big deal. Like this type of thing happens every day..."

"It pretty much does!" I interrupted. "Come on Adam, we can do this. Come on..." I begged him. "We have this one shot to get away. Are you gonna just let it slip away?" I said softly, pausing to let him ponder my words.

After a few minutes of agonizing silence, Adam finally sighed. "This is crazy, this is crazy..." he mumbled. And yes, it was. Crazy. Dangerous. Insane. But, it could be done. It HAD been done. If anyone could pull something off like this, it was Adam and I. We were perfect together. We were connected. We could survive.

"Come on Adam, we need to plan," I said, grabbing his hand and leading him over to the bed. We both sat down. This was going to take a lot of careful and very detailed planning. It'd be hard. We'd have to be prepared for whatever life decided to throw at us. The next few months would be difficult, but we could do it. Dodging cops, running for our lives, fighting for survival in this cold, cruel world. That was the life of a fugitive, and soon, that life would be ours.

**as you see, the story is going in a completely different direction, so I will be starting a new season. This one will be a little bit more action-y. I got a lot of ideas though, so stay tuned!! :)**


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